''Imagine the thrill of walking to your mailbox every day and finding it overflowing with valuable gifts of every type and description!''
Sounds like a pitch from Ed McMahon, but it's an online ad (http://www.liglobal.com/tm/merchants/freestuff/) for a 96-page book listing ''hundreds'' of places to get free samples or giveaways. Even the book is free - if you don't count the $3 for postage.
The Internet seems to be full of free stuff these days. Free coffee, coupons, soap, candies, vitamins, hand cream, software, CDs and stickers.
The explosion of free stuff (http://www.yahoo.com/Entertainment/Miscellaneous/Free/Stuff) on the Net is an indication of two major forces: business activity on the Web and the frustration of trying to find customers online.
The truth is that free stuff isn't free: For the price of a stick of gum or hotel-size bar of soap, companies buy your name and address. Since most firms assume Web surfers have above-average education and income, getting your name for a trinket is a bargain.
But the free stuff is far from ''valuable gifts of every type and description.'' It's more like the stuff they give away in the supermarket or that occasionally arrives in the mail: a tablespoon of shampoo or barbecue sauce, a couple of painkiller tablets or a coupon for a disposable razor.
What the heck, it's free.
If you want to treasure hunt on the Web, a good place to start: pages full of links to free stuff. This is particularly useful since many of the free offers are buried in a Web site and the casual visitor might overlook them.
One of the better collections of links to sites offering free stuff can be found at FREEway (http://www.vivanet.com/~woodj/money-mart/freeway). Or check out Jilly's Free Stuff on the Net (http://www.geocities.com/RodeoDrive/1475/free.html). Adam Weisblatt (http://www.owlnet.com/adam/free.html) has made collecting free stuff his hobby; read about it on his home page.
A sampling of what's available:
The makers of Jelly Belly jelly beans (http://www.jellybelly.com) give out 500 free samples each day (if you're too late, they kindly tell you before you fill out the survey).
Kanakuk-Kanakomo Kamps of Branson, Mo. (http://www.kanakuk/com) will send you a hat or T-shirt.
The Tokyo Grain Exchange (http://www.toppan.co.jp/tge/english/present.html) will send 25 lucky winners a mug for filling out a survey rating the company's commodities trading home page.
AT&T (http://www.att.com/college) is offering a free mouse pad (or thermal mug, the site doesn't make it clear) to anyone willing to take a simple quiz that plugs 1-800-CALL-ATT. It's aimed at college students, probably the No. 1 group of collect callers.
MCI (http://www.taponline.com/tap/sponsors/collect/free.html) is offering a coupon for $9 in free 1-800-COLLECT calls to anywhere in the United States.
3M Office Products (http://www.mmm.com/market/omc/forms - omcndjar.html) will send Post-It Notes or transparency film for ink-jet printers to any office worker willing to describe his or her office on a survey.
Kauai Hawaiian Coffee (http://www.abinc.com/index.html) is one of a dozen coffee and tea companies that will send you a sample of their beverage.
Many sites use weekly or monthly raffles to attract visitors. While less appealing than the outright freebie, many sites don't generate much traffic, so the chance of winning is greater than, say, a radio station contest. Examples:
Beech-Nut (http://www.familyinternet.com/beech-nut) offers a chance to win a month's supply of baby food to those filling out a crossword puzzle (which promotes the benefits of Beech-Nut products over Gerber's).
Procter and Gamble has hidden bottles of SunnyD fruit drink ''all over the Internet.'' Find them to win a chance at a $10,000 college scholarship.
The Disney Co. has a number of contests (http://game2.disney.com/) linked to its cartoon movies.
Register to win some Dreyer's Grand Ice Cream (called Edy's here in the Midwest) at the company's site (http://www.dreyers.com).
Now for the fine print: Last spring, I logged into about a dozen sites, registering for contests and free samples.
A couple of months later, all I had received was a tiny bar of vanilla-scented soap.
E-mail Charles Brewer with questions, comments and suggestions at CBrewer@enquirer.com.