Jimi Hendrix was on the board at AT&T. One of the Monkees is replacing John Lennon in the Beatles. Janis Joplin was a member of the Junior League and Jim Morrison was a Cub Scout.
And if you buy that, I'll throw in some steak knives: Cleveland's Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, dressed up in a lawsuit like Procter & Gamble, is going to court to accuse a photographer of trademark infringement.
If your irony meter is not already red-lined by scary mental images of Madonna with child, you may wonder:
"What's wrong with this picture?"
Chuck Gentile of Cleveland asked himself the same thing. Mr. Gentile (rhymes with Chantilly) made a jaw-dropper photograph of the Rock Museum against a purple-haze sunset, then began selling posters ($12.50 wholesale, $25 retail, $45 framed).
That's when he heard from one of the biggest law firms in Ohio or anywhere else, Jones Day Reavis & Pogue, representing the Rock Museum. They warned him that the I.M. Pei-designed shape was protected by a trademark application, to make sure every image of it on T-shirts, coffee mugs or posters will collect royalties to pay off public bonds.
In Cleveland papers, the Rock and Roll lawyers compared the Hall of Fame to other unique shapes, such as a Coke bottle or the Transamerica Pyramid in San Francisco. They promised to make exceptions for media and tourists, but not for commercial photographers like Mr. Gentile.
On Tuesday, Mr. Gentile was officially served and sued.
His reply: Get off of my cloud.
"They figure, 'This guy has our money and he will back down,"' he said. "But we all built this thing. So did you, so did the whole state of Ohio. I still think I have every right to take a picture of a public building in a public place.
"If they had their way, we won't be able to take a picture of a parking garage without giving some guy $10."
The case raises a lot of questions:
Does this mean Skyline Chili owns Cincinnati because our skyline is on their signs and packages?
How can anyone compare a publicly financed museum to a Coke bottle, or even to a private corporate landmark and logo such as the Transamerica Pyramid?
A Transamerica v.p. in San Francisco was not sure about that, either. So I asked him if they have sued anyone over a poster. "No," he said. "We have never literally filed a lawsuit." He quickly added, "But I certainly wouldn't say that we would not."
Another Transamerica officer sounded reluctant to fight over a poster. "Most of the requests I get are from people who want to use it to sell something else," she said. "We don't want some Pyramid Pizza or Pyramid Beer."
They were not paranoid about posters - just protecting their corporate image.
Besides, the Transamerica Pyramid is to the Rock Museum what K-Tel Muzak is to Woodstock. A piece of the Rock Museum belongs to all the Ohio taxpayers who chipped in $9 million of its $92 million cost.
And that raises another question:
If courts rule that you can trademark public places, can we license the Capitol and sell coasters to reduce the national debt?
Would a $20 bill be worth $50 if the White House picture is trademarked?
And if the Rock Museum makes an exception for tourists, TV and newspapers, can't they also take it away?
"I'm glad you're concerned about that," said Scott McBain, Mr. Gentile's lawyer. "It's the same as the Andy Warhol pictures of soup cans - there's a question of artistic expression, not to mention First Amendment rights."
He said the strategy of the Rock Museum is simple: Time is on my side.
"We've looked at this," Mr. McBain said. "We thought it has very little merit. We thought their position was weak. But it's David against Goliath, the 800-pound gorilla thing. Regardless of merit, sometimes Goliath wins."
He added, "If Chuck has to fold because his pockets aren't deep enough, there could be bad law out there."
Mr. Gentile hopes to get by with a little help from his friends. "I'm only a one-man business. I don't have resources. If any lawyers want to help me, they'd be welcome."
Maybe we had this coming. Aging boomers who visit the Rock Museum, wearing corporate slogans all over their clothes like human stock cars, should not be surprised to discover that our generation's tattered bellbottom dreams have been locked in a museum and trademarked.
Hendrix was on LSD, not AT&T. And it's not true that Gov. George Voinovich asked to meet "Mr. Ono" when he met Yoko at the Rock Museum. But Jim Morrison's Cub Scout shirt is there. No kidding. Just don't take a picture without permission.
The Rock and Roll Hall of Fame folks should get back, let it be and listen to the Stones: "You can't always get what you want . . . "
Peter Bronson is editorial page editor of The Enquirer. If you have questions or comments, call 768-8301, or write to 312 Elm Street, Cincinnati, Ohio 45202.
