A majority of Ohio Supreme Court justices must be wearing Nikes under purple robes. They're more gullible than the ''human containers'' who rode an applesauce escalator to Heaven's Gate.
Or maybe they're scamming us.
Justices Francis Sweeney, Alice Resnick, Paul Pfiefer and Andrew Douglas decided Ohio needs a whole 'nother way to pay for public schools. They said local control of schools is just a ''cliche.''
They gave the General Assembly one year to organize a state takeover, to make schools more equal and spend ''$10.2 billion in facility repair and construction.''
But their mega-tax is bad math.
- They didn't count $588 million targeted for poorer districts since 1992.
- And their $10.2 billion repair estimate comes from 1990 - when L.A. Law was on TV, Saddam was on his way to Kuwait and Robert Mapplethorpe was on trial in Cincinnati.
Even when it came out, the ''1990 Ohio Public School Facility Survey'' was avidly ignored as soon as lawmakers regained consciousness after passing out from ''sticker shock.''
Teams of consultants supposedly did walk-throughs in 3,684 schools. Their repair list included $1 billion to air condition classrooms that are empty in the summer, and $328 million to remove asbestos that is no big concern since the EPA discovered it is usually safer to leave it alone.
By relying on a flawed report that was seven years old, Ohio's Supremes missed the big news: Most school repairs have already been done by that ''cliche'' they sneered at: local control.
I called a few local districts to see if the 1990 numbers still apply.
- ''It's probably very impolitic for me to say we don't need $9.7 million,'' said Mariemont Superintendent Gerald Harris. ''But we really took care of that five years ago.''
Voters in Mariemont passed a $1.6 million improvement bond in 1995. ''We certainly have $2 or $3 million in needs in the district,'' Mr. Harris said. But the state could do schools a bigger favor by removing prevailing-wage requirements that inflated Mariemont's labor costs for repairs by 30 to 40 percent, he said (editorial Page 2).
- The 1990 report said Finneytown Schools needed $5.8 million. Not anymore, said Business Manager Fred LeMay. Last November, Finneytown voters passed an $8.7 million bond issue for maintenance and repairs. ''Air conditioning was part of an earlier bond issue that did not pass, and it was pointed out by our community that we did not need it. It was removed, and it did pass,'' he said. ''People are saying, 'Let's look at what's reasonable.'''
- Indian Hill is among the state's wealthiest districts. Yet the 1990 report demanded about $10 million in repairs. ''That's behind us now,'' said Treasurer Dick Schraam. The reason: a $5 million levy passed in 1993.
- In Loveland, local voters more than doubled the 1990 repair bill. A $16.3 million bond issue in 1991 built a new high school and repaired other schools.
The Supreme Court's March 24 ruling listed asbestos as ''another major health and safety hazard'' that ''has yet to be removed from 68.6 percent of Ohio's schools'' - a number lifted from the outdated 1990 report.
''That whole (asbestos) thing has died down,'' said Loveland Superintendent Ron DeWitt. ''It's not an issue now.''
Cincinnati Public Schools Vice President Steve Ottemann agreed. And he called the 1990 report ''seriously outdated'' for other reasons. ''It says nothing about ADA,'' he said - the Americans with Disabilities Act passed in 1990 to mandate access for handicapped students.
CPS will finish a review of repair and construction needs on July 29. Costs in such a large, urban district may be higher than the 1990 estimate of $290 million.
Other districts may need help - but $588 million is not spit and chewing gum.
And in most districts, the Supreme Court's $10.2 billion guess is clueless and useless. After years of litigation, they fell for an outdated exaggeration of repairs, embellished by anecdotes, and ordered Ohio to spend billions - for repairs that have already been done by local voters supporting their local schools.
If such local control is a ''cliche,'' the Supreme Court has a majority of oxymorons. I wonder how Nikes and purple robes look with a crimson blush.
Peter Bronson is editorial page editor of The Enquirer. Call 768-8301, or write to 312 Elm Street, Cincinnati, Ohio 45202.
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