When I visited my son's third-grade class for ''Career Day'' two weeks ago, I forgot to mention one of the coolest things about being an editorial writer:
I am probably the only person in Ohio who owns a complete set of GATT trading cards, listing the JBI's (Jobs Batted In) and ERAs (Extra Revenue for America) scored by the ''all-stars'' who negotiated the General Agreement on Tariffs and Trade!
I can almost see their jaws drop - in a wave of contagious yawns. Something tells me they would not be impressed. Something tells me one of those bright kids might point out that I am also the only person in Ohio who WANTS something so boring.
Actually, I don't want these stupid things, either. I don't enjoy being curator of the Museum of the Amazingly Dull. I don't enjoy keeping junk that people send to me, such as a three-hour video on Puerto Rico, ''Textiles 2000'' or endless studies from some National Institute to Discover the Obvious.
But I hang onto them to remind me of a dangerous occupational hazard for editorial writers: terminal tediousity, more commonly known as ''deadly bore disease.''
One day you are a normal, rational American who understands that nothing is more important than the Super Bowl, and then some morning you wake up worrying about ''Fast Track.'' Next thing you know, you are arguing about campaign finance regulations as if you give a dang. From there, it's a short downhill slide to becoming a no-life prisoner of policy trivia, who scares complete strangers with the Asian market crisis.
Normal people don't care about such things until they intersect with the real world. Nobody cares if Texas outlaws ''food disparagement'' - until Oprah gets busted for bad-mouthing beef. Until we heard about the president dancing horizontally in the Oval Office with a 21-year-old intern, Whitewater was ''too dull'' for normal people.
But editorial writers are not normal.
Unless I'm careful, I catch myself drifting into the low-oxygen clouds where editorial writers swap GATT trading cards and small talk about the weather turns into an overheated debate on global warming.
Yes, editorial pages have a responsibility to address topics that are DBI - Dull But Important. We take it seriously. Too seriously. I've never heard of anyone canceling a subscription because our editorial page is too exciting.
So we asked people: What do you think of our editorial pages?
About 25 percent said ''predictable.'' Another 25 percent said ''dull.'' The remaining 50 percent said ''predictably dull.''
What most people wanted was a splash of humor with their daily adult requirement of DBI. So today, we offer:
- A redesigned editorial page to give us a classic, but fresher look.
- A ''Telephone Poll'' for readers who don't have time to write letters. (Think of it as ''talk radio with manners.'')
- A Q&A interview to get news makers on the record, without the filter of a reporter or editorial writer.
- And our favorite, ''Outside the Box'' - a place to do things that are NOT predictable and dull. Our method of choosing ideas is simple: If it sounds like it does not belong on the Enquirer editorial page, t's probably what we're looking for.
Readers can help us stay Outside the Box, by offering offbeat ideas, weird memos, odd clippings or X-File photos.
We have not sacrificed any syndicated columns, editorials or letters. In fact, we've increased the number of features in our Sunday Forum section, and we've added more letters to weekdays by publishing a full page on Wednesdays.
And Forum is now easier to find, right behind the A-section.
I'd like to know what you think.
And I'd like to know if anyone else has GATT trading cards. I'll trade five Al Gores, a Clayton Yeutter and two Bill Clintons for one George Bush.
Peter Bronson is editorial page editor of The Enquirer. If you have questions or comments, call 768-8301, or write to 312 Elm Street, Cincinnati, Ohio 45202.
BRONSON ARCHIVE
