Sunday, May 09, 1999
The best gift for mothers
BY PETER BRONSON
The Cincinnati Enquirer
Take my advice Avoid giving Dustbusters and other appliances this Mother's Day. It's not a good idea to remind Mom that the best “miracle cleaning aid” is when you get off your Dockers and help out a little.
Other gifts that may be hazardous:
• Lawn care items are a big mistake. Do not give Mom a jug of Weed-Be-Gone, a new string trimmer or 25 bags of mulch unless you want some You-Be-Gone sprinkled on your Cheerios tomorrow morning.
• Hand-picked arrangements of dandelions are only a charming “wildflower bouquet” if you are under age 7. After that, say it with real flowers, because weeds just mumble, “I didn't think of you until 10 minutes ago.”
• Don't give her something you want. There may be a few unusual moms out there who would love to get Nintendo Indy 500, Star Wars action figures, a carton of Camels, an 18-piece ratchet set or a CD by Metallica. But chances are, they will be given dust mops and dandelions.
So get her something she will like. It's not so difficult. Just remember Dads are happy to get what they need (golf balls, socks or Weed-Be-Gone). But Moms don't want what they need — they need what they want but never get (flowers, brunch, appreciation). Remember the look on her face that time you emptied the dishwasher without being asked? Aim for that.
These suggestions may sound hard to believe. But take my word for it, they are lessons I have learned the hard way. Like that year I was shopping for a Mother's Day present at the tire store and ...
No, let's not go there. Ever again.
Instead, here's something that will really surprise Mom on Mother's Day
Use good manners.
Given the choice between having a child grow up to be a brain surgeon who chews with her mouth open, or a trucker who says “please” and “thank-you,” most moms would probably pick the one with manners.
And from what I can tell, most moms must be pretty disappointed. Everywhere I look, people are forgetting the manners their mothers taught them.
For example, on Thursday I saw 300 people at City Hall talking with their mouths full of insults.
As soon as the mayor finished telling everyone to be polite and listen — everyone immediately tried to out-loud each other.
The cops tried to explain why they were protesting the city manager's desk-duty punishment of two officers who had fatally shot a black suspect. I think they had a point, but I couldn't hear it over the heckling and jeers from all the black people who were there to protest the police protest.
When the president of the FOP police union was drowned out and the mayor tried to restore order, council member Tyrone Yates interrupted the interruption to attack the cops. That incited more noise and applause for Mr. Yates — and turned up the anger thermostat 10 more degrees.
At every break in the main event, a woman emerged from the crowd in a red T-shirt, holding up a big poster as if she was announcing the next round at a wrestling match. But her sign said, “F.O.P. — Fools On Patrol.”
I thought C'mon, is that any way to treat the underpaid men and women who risk their lives for the rest of us?
Then just as I was taking the cops' side, they all walked out on the rest of the meeting. That triggered more catcalls and name-calling. But it turns out it was not the cops' idea — it was Mayor Roxanne Qualls' suggestion to reduce tensions.
As usual at City Hall, it had the opposite effect.
Councilman Charlie Winburn called on “elders” in the crowd to restore order — but it was too late. What they needed was a SWAT team of big mothers with wooden spoons, to wade into that council chamber and show no mercy.
“Tyrone” — WHAP! — “be quiet!”
“Police officers” — WHAP! WHAP! — “listen to the other side.”
“Young lady with the sign and anyone who yells while someone is trying to talk — take a time out while we go get some extra-large spoons.”
A woman sitting next to me told me how much she worries about her son getting shot, because the police are so disrespectful and rude to blacks.
Outside, the other side held up a sign “If You Know How to Behave, You Won't Get Shot.”
Sounds like a manners thing to me.
So what does it have to do with Mother's Day? Just this
If more folks in Polite City would use the manners our moms taught us, tht would be the best Mother's Day present No more sons or daughters shot — cops or civilians.
Peter Bronson is editorial page editor of The Enquirer. If you have questions or comments, call 768-8301, or write to 312 Elm Street, Cincinnati, Ohio 45202.
Peter Bronson is editorial page editor of The Enquirer. If you have questions or comments, call 768-8301, or write to 312 Elm Street, Cincinnati, Ohio 45202.
BRONSON ARCHIVE
