Sunday, August 06, 2000
Signs the convention was bad
PHILADELPHIA — You know you've been to a bad Republican National Convention when:
• The Rock, the large-shouldered pro wrestler, appears on stage with The Blimp, the large-waisted House Speaker Dennis Hastert.
• The GOP tries to be hip, cool and all that by featuring funky music and happening music acts, but then the camera pans to the audience and focuses on a sweaty, old white guy wearing an elephant hat while dancing in the aisle and trying to get down with his bad self.
• Every big-name Republican officeholder, party official and star is in town, and the best the Kentucky delegation can draw for a speech is the governor of Montana.
• The Republicans are too scared to talk about two issues that are dear to many of the party's most loyal voters and activists: abortion and gun control. That's like keeping your insane aunt in a closet. It makes your life easier, but it doesn't do much for your aunt.
• Bruce Willis snubs the convention, but Rick Schroeder — I remember when he was Ricky — doesn't.
• To promote an appearance by actress Bo Derek, whose greatest cinematic achievement was the ability to bounce in a tight swimsuit, the Republican Party puts out a press release describing her as a “film icon.”
• The majority of Kentucky's members of Congress — with the exception of Sen. Jim Bunning of Southgate — avoided their state's own delegates like they were Democrats.
• Mean ol' Tom DeLay holds non-stop corporate-sponsored parties and fund raisers and refuses to let reporters — who, like it or not, are your eyes and ears at these things — anywhere near any of them. Nice message. No wonder they call him The Hammer.
• Ohio Congressman John Kasich's speech wasn't carried by CNN. Ben Stein's was.
• The party that bashed John McCain for promoting campaign finance reform holds a week-long orgy of raising money from big donors and corporations, culminating in a single event Wednesday that heralded the arrival of George W. Bush by raking in a whopping $10 million. Don't worry, the Democrats will do the same thing next week during their convention in Los Angeles.
• Party officials and loyal GOP activists can't get tickets to some of the better events and glitzier parties, but guess who can? The party's biggest donors.
• Nancy Reagan is met with cheers and tears even though she spent her eight years in the White House mostly holding parties, shaking down designers for new gowns, changing china patterns, hanging out with movie stars and eating dinner on a TV chair while wearing her jammies. Meanwhile, merely mention Hillary Clinton — who, though at times badly, tried to elevate the role of first lady beyond that of professional hostess — and delegates spew bile like they're a Linda Blair stand-in on the set of The Exorcist.
• There is a ton of George W. Bush and GOP memorabilia floating around but the most coveted keepsake is a Barbie doll dressed as a delegate and wearing a floor pass. Kind of reminds me of Elizabeth Dole.
• The best line of the whole convention comes from Bob Dole when he opened his speech by saying, “It's not too late for a recount.”
• The Kentucky delegation stays in a hotel that is an hour away by bus or a $50 to $60 cab ride — depending on how lost the driver is — from the convention hall.
See what happens when you have a Democratic governor and the Republican candidate didn't carry Kentucky in 1996.
• There were 15,000 reporters in town, which was 14,850 too many.
Patrick Crowley covers Kentucky politics for The Kentucky Enquirer. He can be reached at 578-5581, or by e-mail at crowleys@cinci.infi.net.
Patrick Crowley covers Kentucky politics for the Enquirer. He can be reached at 578-5581, or (502) 875-7526 in Frankfort.
CROWLEY ARCHIVE
