Monday, May 10, 1998
Honor non-traditional moms
Women overcome obstacles, sadness
BY DEBORAH KENDRICK
The Cincinnati Enquirer
Today is a day for celebrating mothers. But there are mothers who are not celebrated or celebrating, and children who do not have the usual collection of joy-filled Mommy memories. It is for them that I write this column.
There are no people more cherished in my own life than my own three children, and no moments more precious than when they, as babies, first greeted the world. But I know from my own experience and that of many others that motherhood is not always so blessed.
I will try today to direct my thoughts to be with the many mothers who, after true or false prenatal testing, decided to terminate their pregnancies and now have sadness remembering those abortions.
I will think about the bravest mothers of all, those who have lost children to illness or accident or murder, and who manage to carry on, nurturing others, in spite of such sorrow.
For mothers whose children have significant disabilities, I send my admiration and gratitude; for in moving beyond their own grieving for lost health and - or ability, they lead their children toward lives of independence and wholeness.
For divorced mothers whose children are elsewhere today, for adoptive mothers who fear their children will someday love the other better, and for those biological mothers who could not keep their babies, this day may conjure more than candy or flowers or an outing for brunch. I salute each and every one of them.
And for all the children who, for whatever reason, did not receive the usual allocation of mothering, my heart will try to be with you today, too. Sometimes, mothers make the mistake of favoring their children who have disabilities; sometimes, they make the equally grave mistake of rejecting them.
My own mothering came from a long line of women - some of them mothers themselves, many of them not - who chose to love me as I moved toward adulthood.
From Catherine, the first-grade teacher who believed I could do anything, to the Greek grandma next door who rushed to admire my firstborn baby, women with mothering instincts have done for me what mothers do best: Loved me in spite of myself and longed for me to grow.
It is wonderful that we set aside this one day to recognize the extraordinary gifts provided to us by mothers. It should also be a day on which we are not afraid to remember those who have had their hearts broken and mended and those who have mothered without familial cause or relationship.
Mother's Day, as we know it, is 90 years old today. In its earliest form, it was conceived as a day to promote peace and, later, as a day simply to honor the many services to humanity performed by mothers.
Pay tribute today to your own mother if you have one. And then, if you can, let another mother - one who has experienced heartbreak somewhere in the mother-child relationship department - know that the peace and human service she has rendered has not gone unnoticed.
Deborah Kendrick, a Cincinnati free-lance writer, is a nationally recognized advocate for people with disabilities. Write: Deborah Kendrick, Cincinnati Enquirer, 312 Elm St., Cincinnati 45202; e-mail: 71340.473@compuserve.com.
KENDRICK ARCHIVE
