Three shows could keep you home Saturday
Saturday, September 26, 1998 BY JOHN KIESEWETTER
The Cincinnati Enquirer
So what's your fantasy? Something interesting on TV to keep you home on Saturday nights?
These three promising new shows may fulfill your wish, as the networks try to lure back viewers on TV's lowest-rated night:
Fantasy Island (9 p.m., Channel 9, 2): Other than somebody shouting "The plane!, the plane!," ABC's new Fantasy Island from Barry Sonnenfeld (Men in Black, The Addams Family) bears no relation to Aaron Spelling's old version (1978-84).
The choice of Malcolm McDowell (A Clockwork Orange) as the '90s Mr. Roarke will be the first tip that this isn't your father's Fantasy Island.
The second tip is the guest list: No cheesy appearances by Charo, Scott Baio or Dick Van Patten.
Relatively unknown actors portray the people with serious problems:
A husband (John Mese) wondering if he married the wrong woman. A woman (Lisa Robin Kelly) dying to show up her older sister. A thrill-seeker (Paul Hipp) afraid to settle down.
They all get what they wish for, after some unexpected plot twists and neat special effects.
The best surprise, though, won't be broadcast by ABC. The original pilot shot by Mr. Sonnenfeld ended with a Bill Clinton look-alike ticketed for the flight to Fantasy Island.
To quote Mr. Roarke: "Luck has a tendency to run out."
Martial Law (9 p.m., Channel 12, 7): I shouldn't like CBS' martial arts action show, but I do. Then again, nobody expected The A-Team to become a hit.
CBS' comedy-action series about a Shanghai police detective in Los Angeles works because of Hong Kong martial arts superstar Sammo Hung.
The overweight middle-aged actor makes an unlikely action hero. Think of Cheers' George Wendt, or John Belushi's "Samurai warrior," with the agility and energy of Jackie Chan.
You go, Sammo!
Mr. Hung jumps through car windows. He kicks, punches, slaps, swats and chops his way through armies of attackers. And when asked where he learned to fight, he says: "Peking Opera School."
I'm not sure if Martial Law will run out of punch lines before punches. But I'll get a kick out of this guilty pleasure while it lasts.
As his L.A. police partner (Homefront sweetheart Tammy Lauren, a karate black belt) says after a car thief's confession: "This is a new one -- good cop, bad cop, Chinese cop."
Cupid 10 p.m., Channel 9, 2): Cupid rhymes with stupid, which came to mind when I heard about ABC's Jeremy Piven (Ellen) drama. Crazy as it sounds, Mr. Piven is completely convincing in the role of the mental patient claiming to be the God of Love, much to the disbelief of a scholarly relationship counselor (Paula Marshall from Spin City).
Their verbal sparring about love may be the best TV banter since Moonlighting.
Him: "It's not (about) compatibility. It's the chemistry!" Her: "For six months, if you're lucky! Then it's negotiation, compromise and friendship."
If you don't believe in Cupid, just watch him swagger through a singles' therapy group barking advice to the love-lorn: "Treadmill! Clearasil! Happy pill!"
Madisonville native Jeffrey D. Sams co-stars as Champ, a struggling actor who helps facilitate Cupid's romantic encounters. After three TV bombs (Medicine Ball, Courthouse, Sleepwalkers), it looks like Mr. Sams has fallen into a winner.
John Kiesewetter is Enquirer TV/radio critic. Write him at 312 Elm St., Cincinnati, 45202.