Sunday, April 23, 2000
Stumped by the Stooges
Nyuk ... Moe's no better, Nyuk ...Curly looks too old and Nyuk...Larry's still a moron in TV docudrama
By JOHN KIESEWETTER
The Cincinnati Enquirer
A wise guy, eh?
Yeah, I'm a wise guy.
I love the Marx Brothers' rapid-fire wit. Admire the comic genius of Buster Keaton's sight gags. Laugh-out-loud at insults hurled by W.C. Fields, Charlie McCarthy and Edgar Bergen.
But I don't get the Three Stooges. Watching guys get poked in the eyes, pounded on the head, and pulled by the nostril was never my idea of a fun time.
Hey, what's the big idea?
Yeah, what WAS the big idea?
Being dragged across the room by the hair? I had seen teachers do that to kids in grade school. Maybe they got the idea from watching Three Stooges shorts? Soitenly!
Frankly, I prefer comedians who used their heads for something other than a drum.
I had always figured the Stooges couldn't be very bright, if they had to make a living beating the stuffing out of each other for 30-plus years. I guess I was right.
ABC's The Three Stooges docudrama (8-10 p.m. today, Channels 9, 2) portrays them as victims of the Hollywood studio system, unable to cash in on the millions Columbia Pictures made on their comedy shorts in theaters, and later on TV.
“You know what the contract says: No fees, no residuals,” a studio mogul tells Moses “Moe” Howard (Paul Ben-Victor from Crazy in Alabama).
Older brother Samuel “Shemp” Howard (John Kassir from Casper, Spy Hard) would get so nervous about performing in vaudeville that he wet the bed — while sleeping with fellow Stooge Larry Fine (Evan Handler from It's Like, You Know...).
Younger brother Jerome “Curly” Howard (Michael Chiklis from Daddio, The Commish), who replaced Shemp before their film career started in 1933, developed headaches and blurry vision from the constant pounding by his co-stars (and fans).
After a drunken Curly is poked in the eyes by a female fan in a San Diego hotel lobby, he complains to Moe: “Why can't they just mind their own business? I'm a normal guy just like everyone else. I'm me, Jerry. Curly is just an act.”
Listen, you!
Script jumps around
By 1946, at age 42, the heavy drinking and physical comedy contributed to a stroke, which ended Curly's career.
After that, The Three Stooges film fast-forwards through the return of Shemp (1946), the deaths of Curly (1952) and Shemp (1955) and the hiring of Joe Besser (Laurence Coy) and “Curly Joe” De Rita (Peter Callan).
Even Stooges fans will have a hard time following the script, which ABC says is based on Michael Fleming's new book, From Amalgamated Morons to American Icons: The Three Stooges. The story jumps back and forth between the late 1950s, when Columbia repackaged their 190 comedy shorts for TV, to their stage and film careers. (Note to fans: Stooges shorts air 8-10 a.m. Saturdays on American Movie Classics.)
Stooges lovers also may wanna moider the casting director. Mr. Chiklis, as Curly looks 10 years older than Moe or Shemp, when it should be the other way around. Particularly when Moe affectionally calls his baby brother “Babe” throughout the film.
No food fights? What's the matter with you?
It's tempting to quote the line from Slippery Silks, the 1936 Stooges short about a museum director needing an exact replica of a priceless Chinese cabinet. When he asks if the project was in competent hands, Curly replies: “Soitenly! We're all in competent.”
More hits than the Reds
Despite its faults, the film produced by actor Mel Gibson (a huge Stooges fan) and Bruce Davey has its moments. The Three Stooges authentically re-creates lots of their comedy. In fact, ABC's movie has more hits than the Reds this season.
And it manages to make these chronic moronics into empathetic characters.
But I'd still rather watch Groucho, Harpo and Chico than Larry, Curly and Moe any day. I'd even skip the Stooges for a Marx Brothers movie with a song by stiff Zeppo Marx. (Is it just me, or does Al Gore remind you of Zeppo? Separated at birth?)
So Stooges fans can bust a gut tonight when the knuckleheads harmonize one Moe time on their trademark “Hello! Hello! Hello!”
For me, it will evoke memories of Groucho's far superior classic, “Hello, I Must Be Going” from Animal Crackers.
A wise guy, eh?
You bet. And proud of it.
Nyuk Nyuk, Nyuk.
John Kiesewetter is Enquirer TV/radio critic. His column appears Monday and Wednesday. Write: 312 Elm St., Cincinnati 45202; fax: 768-8330.
John Kiesewetter is Enquirer TV/radio critic. Write him at 312 Elm St., Cincinnati, 45202.
