Lord have mercy, the things we do for readers. Like spending hours on the phone trying to find out what President Mr. Clinton's slumber parties are like.
We read Wednesday, recall, about how presidential fund-raisers invited big donors to sleep over in the Lincoln Bedroom in the White House. Big donors such as Cincinnati financier Carl Lindner, who gives heavily to both parties.
So anyway, we had questions about the sleepovers, and we knew readers would, too. Questions like:
Who else was there for the Lindner sleepover?
Do Bill and Hill give good bathrobes? One of those big terry cloth jobs maybe? How about fuzzy slippers, say, with a donkey head on the toes, for when you have to go padding down the hall? Or do they give those tacky disposable slippers like airlines do when you fly business class?
Does Hill get a little playful after dinner and sneak upstairs to put a fake spider on a guest's pillow? Or strategically position a chunk of rubber dog poop on the floor, the way Enquirer columnist Laura Pulfer does when she has guests?
Do they have pillow fights? Share makeup tips? Play Truth or Dare at 2 a.m. and find out who really uses Grecian Formula?
And were these sleepovers, we especially wanted to know, like the ones at Psst!'s house, where we straggle in at 3 a.m. and make goetta? Do Bill and Hill maybe whip off the toaster cover and go to town? Or say the heck with it and nuke a frozen burrito?
Danged if we could find many answers. Financier Mr. Lindner wasn't talking. He's always downright pleasant, even talkative, when Psst! chats with him at parties, but he's notoriously shy where press questions are concerned.
Maybe we could find out more from the White House, where Adam Goldberg speaks on this particular issue. We called. He called. We played phone tag. No answers.
So, we turned to a very in-the-know friend who used to work with the Democratic National Committee.
Finally! Somebody who talks: ''I haven't been, understand, but I hear these were fairly sedate things with a bunch of Suits sitting around talking. My guess is they socialize in the evening, go to sleep early, then get up early for coffee and a chat. I have been told by a couple of people that it was almost as if the whole thing were scripted.''
Meaning no midnight goetta? No conga line down the driveway? No throwing water balloons at passing cars?
''I don't think so. The president and the entire staff go to great lengths to respect the stature of that house.''
So I could name him, right? ''No. I have to work with these people.''
THE MAGIC FAILED HIM:
Going to prove once again, no matter what David Copperfield can make disappear on stage - even lions and tigers and bears oh my - billiard balls are different.
That from Jack Kuntz, co-owner of Main Street's Westminster's Billiard Club. Copperfield, here for six shows Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday at the Aronoff, visited Westminster's Tuesday with about 20 of his crew to celebrate two birthdays, shoot pool and nibble on Courtyard Cafe food.
''He tried to use his magic on the balls,'' Kuntz said, ''but it didn't work. He kept waving his fingers and balls still didn't go. But we had a great time, and what a great, personable guy.''
SEEN AROUND TOWN:
That would be Michael Halpern.
People who eat know him as the owner of Key West's hugely popular Sloppy Joe's, which has expanded into a chain.
He was here last week, and guess what he did? He met with restaurateurs.
Meaning they were discussing a Sloppy Joe's here? ''Meaning I can't say,'' said one of the huddlers. ''Let's just say Sloppy's is looking to expand.''
Like here? ''Like I can't say.''
Psst! appears Sunday, Wednesday and Friday. Have an item to report? Call Jim Knippenberg at 768-8513; fax: 768-8330. And listen to his Weekend Report with Jerry Thomas at 8:30 a.m. Fridays on WCKY (550 kHz).