Saturday, April 24, 1999
Interventions don't help only the alcoholic
BY KRISTA RAMSEY
The Cincinnati Enquirer
For 15 years, Sue Klosterman has been teaching Greater Cincinnati families how to speak the truth.
How to tell Dad what his drinking has done to him. How to tell him what it has done to the family.
How to say how much they love him.
And how to tell him things must change.
As director of treatment for the Alcoholism Council, Sue Klosterman has coached hundreds of Tristate families in holding an “intervention.” It is a meeting where family and friends — and sometimes a surprising assemblage of others — gather to lovingly but boldly confront the alcoholic or drug abuser about his behavior.
This carefully planned, thoroughly rehearsed meeting is often the last step in a long family battle.
For many, it's the one that finally works.
In about 80 percent of interventions, the alcoholic seeks help, Ms. Klosterman says. But in 100 percent, the family is successful.
“The others know, whatever the outcome, they've done all they could do; they've left no stone unturned,” she says. “Now they can focus on their own recovery.”
People may drink alone, but they never suffer alone. The point people keep missing, Ms. Klosterman says, is “that alcoholism changes everything for everyone in the family.”
April is Alcohol Awareness Month. In the past, it's been a tough crusade getting people to consider the ugly costs of alcoholism. Not any more.
This has been a deadly year for local drivers under the influence. In February alone, four people died in Clermont County in alcohol-related accidents. Some families and friends who once denied a loved one's drinking problem have decided the time has come to act, alcohol experts say.
An intervention is the last and most drastic action a family can take, Ms. Klosterman says. It's also the most emotional and risky. She estimates only 2 percent of all families with an alcoholic member will use it.
“People have to get to the point where they are prepared to risk the person never speaking to them again,” she says. “The people who take the biggest risk are those who are closest to the person.”
What makes them finally willing to put their relationship on the line is, typically, exhaustion. They've tried family conferences. Plenty of them. At 3 a.m. around the kitchen table. They've tried crying, promising, threatening, screaming. They've even tried compromising and conceding. She won't drink if we buy the new house. He'll stop if I keep the kids quieter.
Eventually they realize alcoholism is a disease to which you can never concede enough.
So they come to Sue Klosterman, who gathers a group of generally five to seven people in her office. Sometimes the alcoholic's parents are present. Sometimes her children are. Close friends come. Employers can play a key role. Once the family housekeeper was the turning point.
The alcoholic is invited. He or she knows who will be there.
“I tell the group to be very honest, very direct about what they have seen, how they feel about it, and what has to happen,” Ms. Klosterman says. “Then, one by one, we go around the room, and they all tell the person they want him to get help.”
The session is smooth, well-rehearsed and lasts about an hour.
The most important thing it has is an ending.
The alcoholic may decide to get help, or he may remain in denial. Either way, the people who care about him will get on with their own lives.
No more walking on eggshells. No more denying the problem. No more arranging their lives to compensate for his behavior.
Sue Klosterman has seen it time and time again. When people care enough to confront the problem, someone will recover. Someone's life will change.
If you need information, please call the Alcoholism Council, 281-7880.
WALK SOBER FEST
• The Alcoholism Council is sponsoring Walk Sober Fest '99 on May 1, with festivities and a 10K walk or run to celebrate life without alcohol and to raise money. Information: 281-5052.
Krista Ramsey's column appears on Saturdays. Write her at the Enquirer, 312 Elm St. Cincinnati 45202.
RAMSEY ARCHIVE