Thursday, January 13, 2000
Do the brave thing: Let Justin go
BY KAREN SAMPLES
The Cincinnati Enquirer
To: Regina Moore
Subject: Your son
Justin is a beautiful little boy. No wonder you want him back.
Any mother would agonize over placing a child for adoption, and you have special cause for grief. Because of your hysterectomy, you can't have more children. Hard truth for a 24-year-old.
Your daughter is being raised by someone else. Your first son, Joey, has already been adopted by Cheryl and Rich Asente.
You gave them Justin, too. Then you changed your mind. Legally, you had that right, and so far the Kentucky courts have sided with you.
The Asentes knew the risks. They knew adoption might fail. Instead of accepting the heartbreak and returning your son within a few months, they fought back. Now Justin has had nearly two years to get attached.
Venomous critics
The publicity hasn't helped. People you have never met are passing judgment on your life. I know because some of them have written to me. They criticize your relationship with the boys' father, his ongoing marriage to someone else, your motives, your morals, your emotional state.
I cringe at the shrillness of their tone.
Certainly, you have made mistakes. Having children with a married man was one of them. Telling work colleagues that Justin was dead — then spending the money they gave you — was another. Your own relatives have called this newspaper, questioning your commitment to motherhood.
I understand their distress. I understand why this case has captivated strangers. What I don't understand is the venom in their so-called compassion.
Anyone who cares about Justin also should have empathy for his parents — not just for the Asentes, but also for you. Instead, you are portrayed as Justin's enemy. This can't be good for a child. It certainly must be hurtful to you.
From Michigan, an organization called “Hear My Voice” has intervened. Its Web site tells all about Justin and urges people to write judges. Even the Asentes seem unhappy with this meddling.
There is only one solution, and it doesn't lie with the courts.
It lies within the heart of Justin's mother. You.
The right to try
Parents can be redeemed by their children. They can change. Troubled mothers can get control of their lives and prove the doubters wrong.
You have the right to try. But the bravest, kindest, humblest act — the one that would most truly express your love — would be to let Justin go.
I hate saying it. I hate to think of those sneering strangers, exulting in your defeat. I hate to think people would misunderstand your choice — that they would say, “She couldn't handle it,” or “She never wanted him.”
I hate to think of these possibilities, yet I am certain Justin is already home. He belongs with his big brother and adoptive parents, where he has already been for so long. In your heart, you must know it, too.
Call off battle
Call off the court battle, Ms. Moore. Call a press conference to explain your decision. Tell Justin you will never stop loving him. Make the Asentes promise to include you in his life.
What courage this would take. What respect you would earn.
Mothers never stop being mothers. Someday, Justin will understand. Someday, he will look back on you with love.
Karen Samples is Kentucky columnist for The Enquirer. Her column appears Thursdays and Sundays. She can be reached at 578-5584, or by e-mail at ksamples@enquirer.com.
