When police pulled a dead woman from an Aiken High School shed this week, Barbara Arnold suspected it might be her sister.
After hearing the woman was wearing several layers of clothing and carrying a blue backpack, she was almost sure.
But she didn't want to admit Addie Swain could be dead.
The Addie Swain she wanted to remember was the one who would go around the house singing Whitney Houston songs. She wanted to remember the gifted writer, the student group president, the loving mother. She wanted to forget about the Addie Swain who was diagnosed with schizophrenia and had lost touch with the world.
Dental records confirmed the worst Thursday. More than three months after disappearing, the 25-year-old's body was found Monday by a groundskeeper. The Bible she carried was found nearby. Authorities believe she died of exposure.
No one can quite understand how her life unraveled from attending dinners every Sunday with her family to vanishing from everyone close to her.
Her siblings think it had something to do with her belief in voices from God -- but more to do with her mental illness.
"She had mental problems all her life," said Officer Harry Frisby Jr., a detective in the Cincinnati Police Division's homicide unit. Her medical records note her paranoia and that she heard voices.
For a while, her life seemed on track. She excelled in creative writing and graduated in 1991 from the School for Creative and Performing Arts. She went on to Xavier University to get a communications degree. She had an internship at a TV station and seemed to be on her way to a promising career.
"She's very ambitious," said her older brother, Robert Swain Lewis, who encouraged her to go into law. "She knew exactly what she wanted to do."
Her biggest struggle during college was a 1993 car accident in which she broke her pelvis and injured the base of her neck, he said.
By May 1996, she walked through Xavier's graduation line but was a few credit hours short of her degree requirements. Three months later, she married Barry Cocrel -- a man she had met near campus.
She had given birth earlier that year to Brenton Cocrel and was pregnant with her second child, Brandon, who was born the next January. The marriage was not happy. Mr. Cocrel was convicted of physically abusing her. She began spending more time at Bethel No. 2 Apostolic Pentecostal Church in South Fairmount and less time at home in North Avondale.
She eventually left him. It was about that time she told family members God was giving her instructions.
"She had a strong head on her shoulders," said her niece, Anitra Arnold, 19. "When she got in that church, she just totally lost it. She was having problems, and she just broke down.
"She would say, "God told me to give up my kids. God told me the man pays the bills.' She couldn't pay her bills. She moved out. I guess it was too much stress on her."
She lived with her sister in the West End for a short time but mailed back the key with a note that said "Thank you." She lost custody of her children, moved in with friends, stayed in homeless shelters. Her family last saw her just after Christmas, when she was in University Hospital's psychiatric unit. Her sister brought her a fruit basket and clothes. She put the gifts in her blue backpack, next to her Bible, and checked out of the hospital without telling anyone where she was going.
Her uncle, Clarence Lewis, filed a missing person report in February. Ms. Swain's estranged husband had moved to Florida, and her children remained in foster care with weekend care from her sister.
Officer Frisby said the investigation indicates Ms. Swain went to the isolated shed alone and died alone because she thought God wanted her to live in the woods.
While they search for answers, family members say they realize they may never understand the truth.
Her brother said he thinks of a TV show he saw about being one paycheck away from homelessness.
"You really can't determine a person's state of mind," he said. "You can have everything today, and tomorrow, nothing."
