BY JANICE MORSE
The Cincinnati Enquirer
Domestic violence often smolders in secret before exploding in public -- and that's partly why it's so hard to stop before it ends in tragedy, as family members believe to be the case of 38-year-old Lisa Weber.
Ms. Weber was dragged from her car and slain Tuesday in Union Township. Her boyfriend of six years has been charged. She didn't report his alleged intimidating behavior to police because she feared that would further inflame him, family members said.
"That's what abusers tell victims: "If you tell the police, I'll kill you; If you try to leave, I'll come find you,' " said Ann MacDonald, executive director of Women Helping Women, a nonprofit counseling-crisis agency. "It's easy for us to say, "She should have gone into shelter,' and pass judgment, but it's important that we not do that. We absolutely do not know what she was going through." Butler County police take an average of two domestic violence reports a day, said sheriff's Lt. Anthony Dwyer, but police know there are a lot more cases happening behind closed doors.
Victims are reluctant to report abuse for a number of reasons: The constant cycle of abuse and reconciliation makes victims hope the abuser has reformed, when he really hasn't.
Victims fear what might happen if they do seek help.
Victims often feel ashamed about "airing their dirty laundry" -- and meanwhile, the abuser does everything he can to isolate the victim and conceal the abuse.
"(So) it's not uncommon at all to have a long-term domestic situation that doesn't come to the attention of police for years," Lt. Dwyer said.
When police do learn about abuse, there is no quick-fix, Lt. Dwyer acknowledged. "How can you patch that problem in a minute when it's something that's been developing for several years?" But stronger laws and better intervention programs are improving the prospects for preventing tragedies, Lt. Dwyer said. Butler County Sheriff Harold Don Gabbard insists his deputies take reports even when domestic partners merely argue loudly. Then a domestic violence specialist follows up to try to prevent it from escalating, Lt. Dwyer said.
Yet, even when a victim seeks help and gets protection orders, sometimes the system fails, Lt. Dwyer acknowledged.
"No system is infallible," he said, "but if you don't use it at all, it can't even begin to work for you."
