BY MARK CURNUTTE
The Cincinnati Enquirer
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Eddie Milner
(Saed Hindash photos)
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The service begins with praise and worship. Former Cincinnati Reds outfielder Eddie Milner is the featured speaker. He joins in with three dozen juvenile offenders.
"I will rejoice," they sing, "for he has made me glad."
These days, Mr. Milner is glad. And clean.
Sunday marks nine months of sobriety for Mr. Milner, who says he hasn't used cocaine since completing a rehab stint Dec. 13. The stretch is the longest he has stayed clean on his own in 14 years. He started using in 1984 while playing for the Reds.
As a result, his life -- and the lives of his wife, Retha, and daughters Elisha, 12, and Erin, 6 -- have been a series of ups and downs. Trust won. Trust lost. Trust regained, only to be lost again.
As is the case with many families that deal with drug and alcohol addictions, the Milners are trying to make trust permanent. Repeated relapses and six rehab stays in 10 years estranged him from his family for up to several months at a time. His first rehab came in 1987 while he played for the San Francisco Giants.
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EDDIE MILNER JR. |
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Born: May 21, 1955, in Columbus.
Resides: Blue Ash.
Family: Married 14 years to Retha. Daughters: Elisha, 12; and Erin, 6.
Education: Bachelor's degree in business administration, Central State University, Wilberforce, 1979. Also attended Muskingum College, New Concord.
Occupation: Owner of Champion Consulting Services, Blue Ash, a personal finance company; operates Judah Network Inc., a non-profit company that collects money and sponsorships to support Christian-based youth athletic camps.
Memberships: Faith Christian Center, Forest Park.
Career: Played Major League Baseball for nine seasons, eight with the Reds (1980-1986, 1988) one with the San Francisco Giants (1987).
Notable: Batted .253 in 804 games, with 42 home runs, 145 stolen bases and .987 fielding average. Shares major league record with the late Cesar Tovar of the Minnesota Twins for having his team's only hit in a game (five times). Biggest regret: "I tried to please other people. I did everything (All-America prep wrestler at Marion-Franklin High School, Columbus; academic scholarship to college) for other people. I wanted them to like me and not see the ugly side. But when I gave my life to Jesus, he looked at the ugly, disgusting, lying side and accepted me."
Advice for others: "The things of this world can't fill you up. Only the love of God can fill you up. Give your life to Jesus because he gave his life for you."
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The family deals with his addiction by leaning on their Christian faith. Mr. Milner clings to his faith. It's the guard he raises against temptation.
When his faith wavers, his shield falls, and he finds himself first in a drug house. Then a rehab center, far away from the family's Blue Ash condo.
But when his faith is strong -- as it has been these past nine months -- Mr. Milner is the man he aspires to be: Involved father. Devoted husband. Entrepreneur. Evangelist.
When he feels good about himself, he fervently shares his story of drug abuse in the hope it will help others avoid the same mistakes. Many other times, he emotionally retreats deep inside himself. Tonight, though, in the chapel of the Hillcrest Training School, he's talking.
"Being a former major leaguer ain't my claim to fame," Mr. Milner tells Hillcrest residents. At 43, he's still in big-league shape: 5-foot-11, a trim, muscular 170 pounds.
"My claim to fame," he says with a pause, "is being a son of God. And I'm on a mission to share with you how Christ has saved my life. I had one brother killed. He was hooked on drugs, like I was. I lost my career to cocaine."
Hillcrest is a faith-based juvenile correctional center in Springfield Township. The chapel is still. Only Mr. Milner is in motion. He prowls the aisle in search of lost souls. It's the same relentlessness he showed -- his nickname was Greyhound -- chasing down baseballs in center field for the Reds from 1980 through 1986 and again briefly in 1988. Teens in the audience hang on his words. "But I have a new career today," Mr. Milner says. "I'm here to help you find the peace that only Christ can give."
He speaks from experience. Mr. Milner knows peace with Jesus because, he says, he knows torment without him.
Peace. Daughter Elisha turned 12 on Aug. 24, the day before she started seventh grade. The Milners took the girls to Paramount's Kings Island. The family was all smiles. Two days later, Erin turned 6. The family celebrated at home. Mrs. Milner made Erin's favorite dessert, strawberry shortcake.
Torment. A year ago, Mr. Milner missed his girls' birthdays. He was a month into what he now hopes now will have been his last rehab, at the Good Samaritan Inn in Hamilton, a Christian-based center. He lived there almost five months.
"Did Ed try to make up for last year? I don't know," his wife, Retha, says. "He's just taking things a day at a time."
Being married to a drug abuser and having to hold the family together in his absence has taken a toll on Mrs. Milner. She always has been shy, she says. Now she is even more guarded.
Emily Dickinson wrote, "After great pain a formal feeling comes." That is Retha Milner.
She fiercely guards her and her children's privacy. She had doubts about her husband going public with his story. Her primary concern is the teasing Elisha and Erin might have to endure at school. Mrs. Milner declined to let them be interviewed for this story. She agreed to be interviewed only after repeated requests.
She agrees with her husband. If an addiction can be beat, it will be only with God's help. Like her husband, she leans on God in good times and bad. And she's trying to teach her daughters to do the same.
"It's my faith in Christ that allows me to stay in this marriage," says Mrs. Milner, who owns a nail salon, A Polished Touch, in Silverton. "God helps me to see Christ in Ed, the new man in him. It comes back to my commitment in the Lord. If he says he will see me though, he will. "Many times, I have said, "I don't want to do this anymore.' I've said to myself, "Heck with this.' I had to ask the Lord to help me see beyond."
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Eddie Milner clowns around with daughters Erin, 6, and Elisha, 12.
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God, family, job
These days, Mr. Milner is asking the Lord for help. He's trying to rebuild the most important relationships and find balance in his life. He's trying to let up on his perfectionist ways.
His goal is to be a dependable God-family-job man.
He has held a variety of jobs since leaving baseball. Mr. Milner, who has a finance degree, has sold insurance. Before his last relapse in 1997, he had worked himself from the loading dock to the finance department of an Oakley company.
He has started two new business: A Christian-based financial planning firm and another that raises money for religious organizations. Wherever his work takes him, he checks in with Retha by phone at least twice a day. But when he's gone and the girls don't know where he is, they note his absence.
"My youngest girl will say, "Daddy, where was you at?' I tell her, "I've been at a basketball game.' I tell her the truth," Mr. Milner says. "As she sees me doing what I'm supposed to, coming back consistently, she can (increasingly) count on me."
The relationship is more complex with Elisha because of her age. "There's hurt there," he says. "I can remember her crying a couple of times and asking me why I did this.
"I told her I was having problems. "I was sick. I made the wrong choices.' "
His last relapse started on June 21, 1997. He recalls the night in great detail. He'd gone to a bachelor party with a group of Christian friends. He stopped at a crack house downtown on his way home. He can't explain why.
"I learned how quick I could change from focusing on God to doing drugs," he says. "When temptation hit, I didn't run to the Lord." His family didn't hear from him for two weeks. Finally, the phone rang.
"I said, "I'm struggling. You know I'm struggling. I've put you through this before, and I'm sorry,' " he says. "I asked (Retha's) forgiveness. I think she forgave me."
She says she forgives him because her faith calls her to forgive. He last smoked crack on July 17, 1997, the same day he found a bed in a West End detox center. On July 24, he went to Good Samaritan Inn, where he cooked for other residents. He stayed until Dec. 13.
"Eddie is very determined to stay clean this time," says the Rev. Josh Willis, Good Samaritan founder.
Mrs. Milner's reaction is more reserved.
"Is Ed solid this time? I'm very careful when I venture into that," she says. "I can't say I have total trust in Ed. That would be a lie. When a relationship has suffered the turmoil and stress ours has, it might take the rest of our lives to get to a point where we can trust each other."
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Eddie Milner speaks to long-term juvenile offenders at Hillcrest Training School, Springfield Township.
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"He was Deion'
They married in 1984, the same year Mr. Milner used cocaine for the first time. He was upset by his reduced playing time (117 games) with the Reds. He had played in 146 games in 1983, batting .261 with 41 stolen bases.
"Then my mother (Evangeline Milner) passed," he says. "I was injured. All those feelings were there, and I didn't address them. I kept beating them down with drugs and partying."
He went to rehab the first time as a member of the San Francisco Giants in 1987. He relapsed again in March 1988, this time as a member of the Reds, and was suspended for one year. He served 81 days after completing rehab at the former Emerson North Hospital in College Hill.
Mr. Milner came back to play in 23 games for Cincinnati in 1988 but retired before the season was over. He had signed for $250,000. Drug use brought his baseball career to a premature end, says the scout who had signed the Columbus native in 1976. Gene Bennett is today the special assistant to Reds General Manager Jim Bowden. "His problems might have cost Eddie about $10 million," Mr. Bennett says. "He was Deion (Sanders) before Deion. He was that good."
Mr. Milner realizes what he lost -- professionally and personally -- to drugs. And he held onto the bitterness after his playing days. "Every spring would come along, and I'd say, "I should be out there,' " he says. "And then I'd get high to deal with the pain." Every time he relapsed, shame and guilt overwhelmed him. That's why he separated from his family.
Those are the times, he explains, his faith wasn't as strong as his addiction. The cycle is familiar: Relapse, rehab, reconciliation. He has worked a series of temporary jobs to support himself. One, in June 1996, found him back in what had become Cinergy Field, home of the Reds, where he spent the majority of his playing career. But this time, he was pushing a broom as part of a post-game cleaning crew.
Keeping promises
His sobriety has been the result of several positive steps in faith, in spite of the previous missteps.
A Christian since 1985, he is involved in the Christian men's movement Promise Keepers and attended its Cincinnati rally in May 1997. On Feb. 1, Mr. Milner was ordained an evangelist by his pastor, the Rev. Ray McMillian of Faith Christian Center, Forest Park. Mr. Milner can now counsel prison inmates and hospital patients but has yet to do that.
His public testimonials garner invitations. The activities further insulate him in his faith. He is held accountable for his actions. He wants, he says, to take what was bad for him and turn it into something good -- prevention -- for other people.
In July, Mr. Milner spoke at the Ninth Street United Methodist Church in Hamilton. He later worked with children attending the church's sports camp. It drew participants from Hamilton's impoverished Fourth Ward. "You catch his fire," the Rev. Georgiana Salyers, Ninth Street's pastor, says.
Today, in his burgeoning evangelical role, Mr. Milner is most comfortable in settings that combine athletics and spirituality. He was successful as a volunteer assistant varsity baseball coach at Cincinnati Hills Christian Academy, says Bob Gardner, team manager and the Sycamore Township school's athletic director. Mr. Milner knows everything he has could be lost if he relapses. He says he's found balance and inner peace in his deepening relationship with Jesus. One day at a time.
"The glory belongs to the Lord," says Mr. Milner, high-stepping around his living room in joy. He claps his hands and raises his arms. "God has taken the desire for drugs from me. I'm ready to be a soldier in the Lord's army. It's always going to be a battle. I've accepted the responsibility of being a Christian.
"It's better than any home run I ever hit."
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