BY SUE MacDONALD and JOHN JOHNSTON
The Cincinnati Enquirer
Amy McMahon is tiring of the relentless reports of President Clinton's sexual misconduct.
But the latest charges in independent counsel Kenneth W. Starr's report to Congress, at least from her vantage point, have caused her mother-son talks to take on new meaning.
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AGE-APPROPRIATE RESPONSES
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 Under age 5
Children to age 5 want simple answers. "The President did something wrong and what he did wrong was that he lied about it," is a very straightforward way to answer young ones' questions, says Dr. Alex Thomas, educational psychologist at Miami University.
Ages 5-8
If children ask what oral sex is, explain that it's an adult, private thing that children don't need to worry about, says Amy McMahon, executive director of Social Health Education, a non-profit agency that provides sex education to schools.
If children continue to ask questions, and if they're comfortable talking about basic sex issues -- which would include definitions of semen, anatomy and intercourse -- it's OK to explain that oral sex involves putting the mouth on another's private parts.
Most children respond to most descriptions of sex with an "eww, gross!" attitude anyway, Ms. McMahon says, so keep answers simple and appropriate. But keep communication open by telling children, "adults engage in all kinds of activities that kids don't understand, and as you have questions, I want you to ask me."
Ages 9 and up
From fourth grade on, most children have heard about oral sex, even if their information is not accurate, Ms. McMahon says.
"The right way to go is to be as direct and accurate as you can be," she says. First, make sure children have factual information about sex and sexuality. Then use discussions to focus on your family's values about marital fidelity, honesty, abstinence, sex within marriage, respect, religious and cultural issues. |
"I'm tired of hearing it because it keeps going against what I've already taught my son," says Ms. McMahon, mother of a 12-year-old. "The sex part of it isn't even the worst part of it to me. The worst part is the lying."
She and other parents and experts say that discussions with children about the president's ongoing problems may border on "distasteful" and "disgusting." But some see it as an opportunity to talk about family values, appropriate and inappropriate behaviors, and what happens when people get into trouble.
"It becomes difficult to reinforce the values you're trying to teach when (lying) becomes so commonplace and it's the leader of the free world who is doing it," says Ms. McMahon, executive director of Social Health Education, a non-profit Cincinnati agency that provides sex education to Tristate schools and community groups.
Ree McMullen of Lawrenceburg, whose daughters are 16, 15 and 11, says Mr. Clinton's lies will teach a lesson "if there's a consequence for what he's done," even if that falls short of impeachment.
"If virtually nothing happens to him," he said, "I think that's the wrong lesson for our kids."
Mr. Clinton's troubles also are putting parents on the spot when it comes to explaining sex. Experts say the information parents provide should be commensurate with the child's age and maturity.
"The real question is trying to find out what your children want to know and what they need to know," says Jeff Gushin, a clinical social worker with Jewish Family Service. "Maybe they don't need to know everything. But you want to encourage them to ask questions."
Cindy Broderick, a stay-at-home mom in Indian Hill, says if her 7-year-old asked about the president's behavior, she would keep her explanation simple. "I would say he was with another woman that was not his wife, and that . . . he lied about it."
Her other children, ages 14, 12 and 10, are well informed about the president's affair. "I don't think the media has hidden anything in . . . explaining what (the president and Monica Lewinsky) did together."
But Mike White, a psychologist for Princeton City Schools and parent of a 12-year-old boy and 9-year-old girl, worries that as Mr. Starr's report gets more media coverage, it will raise new questions among children.
"I'm very angry," Mr. White said. "Oral sex is out there now, and it shouldn't have been. It wouldn't have been (discussed) in my family. I'm afraid now that we're going to get to the next level."
Based on what he's heard about the Starr report, Mr. White says he might have to give a parent talk about masturbation to explain events that occurred in the White House.
