BY RAY SCHAEFER
Enquirer Contributor
EDGEWOOD -- Sometimes you figure out what you're supposed to do with your life in the middle of what seems like an impossible situation. Dena Gassner knows the feeling. She is working with other parents of autistic and disabled children to start an organization for families in the Beechwood, Covington, Erlanger-Elsmere, Kenton County and Ludlow school districts.
The first meeting is 2-4:30 p.m. Sunday at Immanuel United Methodist Church, 2551 Dixie Highway in Lakeside Park.
"My vision is that of a self-supporting entity that continually offers education for new parents who come into the system," Mrs. Gassner said. "We can walk hand-in-hand with parents through the entire process. . . . If one family can get through that learning process a little faster, it's worth it."
Mrs. Gassner is working on a master's degree in social work, but she and husband Rick already own doctorates in dealing with life's unpredictability.
They are raising her son, 8-year-old Patrick Kelty, who suffers from Asperger's syndrome, a form of autism that often makes it difficult for Patrick to interact with children and can cause his shirts to feel like he's wearing hair brushes.
Mrs. Gassner, 39, was content to simply make sure Patrick had what he needed until a trip last year to Walt Disney World in Florida.
There, she met a woman who lost one daughter and had another maimed and in a wheelchair because of a drunken driver. Talking with her made Mrs. Gassner realize she had to reach a wider audience at home. "I realized this was more than my child," Mrs. Gassner said. "It became very personal."
Mrs. Gassner had an inkling of what she was in for with Patrick five years ago, when the day care center would not allow him to stay because of problems with potty training, even though all that was needed was for someone to walk him to the bathroom and back.
"I was totally devastated," Mrs. Gassner said. "That was before diagnosis. That was the first experience with what it was going to be like. It was devastating not to get support from my own church."
The most frustrating thing about Asperger's is that there is little known about what causes it. Some say it's hereditary, while others think it's caused by problems during birth. Mrs. Gassner said the only problem she had was that she received too much of an epidural anesthetic during delivery.
Patrick is considered "high functioning." He can take care of his own hygiene and he feeds himself, but things like being looked at in the eye and loud noises terrify him.
Two years ago, Mrs. Gassner wrote Just Like Me, Just Like You, a book about Patrick's life. She talked to students and teachers at Patrick's school, R.C. Hinsdale Elementary in Edgewood.
In the book, Mrs. Gassner explains how Patrick sometimes gets frustrated and throws "air punches" that land.
"I'm sure you would be sad if you hurt someone," Mrs. Gassner writes. "Pat gets really sad if he hurts a friend, not just because he hurt a friend, but also because he didn't understand what really happened."
Mr. Gassner, 36, loved the idea of being a stepfather when he married Dena five years ago. He said Patrick reminds him of the movie character Forrest Gump, who, despite a handicap, eventually owned a shrimp boat company.
It's appropriate for Mr. Gassner to use a movie character to describe his stepson. One of the things Patrick can do is see a movie once and practically repeat the script.
Patrick is also teaching his family the value of patience and to cherish the little victories many parents take for granted. Like this summer at Aldersgate Camp near Richmond, Ky.
Mrs. Gassner said Patrick played in water for the first time -- two years after he would not go near a beach.
Like the spelling test about a week after Patrick had a seizure. "It was as if God opened a window for him," Mrs. Gassner said. "He took a spelling test and got a 100. He'd never done that before, and he studied before breakfast."
And like a recent soccer match.
Patrick's father, Tom Kelty, has Patrick weekends at his Anderson Township home. He long ago quit feeling terrible that his son would not be the star quarterback or point guard, and he raves about Patrick's two-goal outburst.
"He dribbled the ball the length of the field," Mr. Kelty said. "Kids can't do that, and he did that."
The Gassners and Keltys are ready to deal with Patrick's future, and Mr. Gassner can't wait to see what kind of man Patrick becomes. "With Forrest Gump, there was no limit," Mr. Gassner said. "That's the way it is with Pat. He won't know boundaries, he'll just go for it."
