BY MARK CURNUTTE
The Cincinnati Enquirer
Within six months of their twin sons' 1993 births, John and Jacqueline Kerber designated the boys' guardians in their wills.
When daughter Caroline was born in May, the Kerbers updated their wills to change their choice of guardians for the children.
"God forbid something would happen to us, but it's our responsibility as parents to make sure our kids grow up safe and healthy and with the right principles, even if we're not there," says Mrs. Kerber, 34, of Clermont County's Union Township.
Unfortunately, the Kerbers are the exception. Too many parents with young children continue to neglect the question of who would care for their kids if they died, say Tristate estate planners and probate court officials.
Despite the importance of a will, two-thirds of Americans die without one. And many wills are outdated (they don't reflect the recent birth of a child). An updated will is the best way for parents, in event of their deaths, to make sure their wishes are carried out.
If parents don't name a guardian, "you can open up turmoil," says Peter Summe, a Fort Wright lawyer and chair of the probate committee of the Northern Kentucky Bar Association.
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SELECTING A GUARDIAN
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Factors to consider in selecting a guardian for your children:
Commitment. Is the relative or friend willing to take on long-term responsibility for your children? Is your relationship -- and their commitment -- likely to change?
Lifestyle and values.Out of all the people who might be candidates for guardianship, who would be mostly likely to give your children the kind of home you would like them to have?
Parenthood. If you're considering guardians who do not have children, are you confident that they are willing and able to make such a change? If they do have children, do they have the time, energy and resources to take on yours?
Children's feelings. It's not realistic to expect children, even older ones, to choose their own potential guardian. But you should consider whether your children seem happy and comfortable in this home.
Location. Would you want your children to move in with relatives in another state, or is it more important to keep them where they live now?
Health and stability. Think 10 or 15 years down the road; will these people still be able to be good parents to your children?
Money. Can these people afford to take in your children? Have you done everything possible to provide financial support?
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Naming a guardian is the ultimate act of parental responsibility, experts say, and will make life less difficult for surviving children, their guardians and the trustee of the estate.
Still, many parents put off naming a guardian because it's improbable that one will be needed. It's natural for people to avoid thinking about death. Many parents simply hope they'll live to an old age and will have long since watched their children grow into adulthood. Others cite the cost, but some lawyers will charge as little as $75 to prepare a basic will.
Estate planners and lawyers can't provide exact numbers but, based on their clients, say the majority of parents with young children don't have a will or written guardian plan.
"Everybody should have a will, especially parents," says William Bell, a downtown Cincinnati lawyer who does estate planning. "It's not that the court will automatically follow the directives, but it will allow the court to ascertain what the parents wanted."
Probate court has the final decision on guardianship for orphaned children, but parents' wishes in a will weigh heavily.
But choosing guardians can be difficult. There's plenty of legal advice out there, but no one talks much about how to pick them, academic experts and counselors say.
"The legal side of it isn't that hard," says Elizabeth Coss, a Charlotte, N.C., estate-planning lawyer. "In my mind, it's the family relationships that are harder."
The best place to start is with a personal inventory of what matters to you as a parent, suggests Holly Goodman, a therapist with United Family Services in Charlotte. Religion? Education? Emotional warmth? Financial stability?
Next, consider all possible guardians and how well they would meet those goals.
Peter and Laura Petrie updated their will six months ago when Jane was born. Mrs. Petrie is a partner in a Cincinnati law firm and does estate planning. Their guardian choice is Mr. Petrie's sister, who has 2-year-old twin daughters and lives in Louisville. The Petries ruled out her older brother, who lives in the Tristate, because his children are grown.
Mrs. Petrie says of her in-laws: "They're good parents. They have the same aspirations and values."
If parents haven't listed a guardian, it's grandparents who often come forward.
"But that can be a problem," Mr. Bell says. "Some grandparents are up there in age and might die before the child turns 18. Then the children have to go through the (probate) process again."
Let them say "no'
After making a list of prospects, the next step is to talk to the people you think would be the best guardians. Never assume they'll do it. Someone who genuinely loves your children may be unable or unwilling to make a lifelong commitment to them. Make sure to have more than one choice in mind.
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LEGALITIES OF GUARDIANSHIP
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Probate law varies slightly from state to state, but the basics of the law are the same in Ohio, Kentucky and Indiana.
At what age do children no longer require a guardian? 18, unless they have a disability that requires supervision and care.
What happens to minor children (wards) if deceased parents fail to stipulate guardian? Probate court decides. Usually, it is a family member -- most often grandparents of the wards -- who come forward to petition the court for guardianship. The court will decide in the best interest of a child if competing parties come forward for guardianship.
Are children allowed to move to out-of-state guardians? Yes. Court is more likely to follow wishes of parents if they are spelled out clearly in a will. Court prefers children to stay with guardians in its jurisdiction.
What are requirements for guardian? Must be at least 18, of good moral character, exhibit financial stability and have no felony convictions.
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One approach is to write a letter spelling out your wishes for the children. Make it clear you want the would-be guardians to think it over before answering, and that it won't ruin the relationship if they say no.
If you're the person being asked, take the question seriously. It might be hard to say no now, but it would be worse to let the children down later.
Once there's an agreement, talk to all family members, including those you haven't selected. If you've gone outside the family, make sure relatives understand that it's based on the children's best interest -- and that you want them to stay involved with the children.
The Kerbers in Union Township initially selected her sister, who lives down the street, as their children's guardian. But they now have four children of their own, and the Kerbers thought seven kids in one house would be too much.
They've selected close family friends Dawn and Chris Vasseur of Elsmere as their children's new guardians. Mrs. Vasseur, 35, attended Notre Dame Academy in Park Hills with Mrs. Kerber.
"Jacqueline is my best friend, and I'd take a bullet for those kids," she says
The Vasseurs do not have children yet but may some day. They would be willing to make lifestyle changes -- move to Ohio, reduce working hours -- if they became parents to the Kerber children.
"We know our lives would change," Mrs. Vasseur says, "but it's an honor that someone would trust me with this responsibility."
Money matters
Some people choose to name a "guardian of the person." This will be the person, or couple, charged with the day-to-day upbringing of the children.
Parents can also select a "financial guardian." This person, sometimes a trust official with a financial institution, oversees the spending of assets left to the children.
"I like this as a checks-and-balance system," says Mr. Summe, the Fort Wright lawyer.
But aside from checks-and-balance systems, parents should at least get a basic will that includes guardianship plans.
Not-so-gentle reminder
Sometimes, the experts say, it's something like making airline reservations that forces parents to think about their mortality and their children's lives without them.
That's when Nate and Rita Grant of Sycamore Township made the guardianship plan for their children, Christopher, now 17, and Brittany, 14.
Ten years ago, the Grants were flying to New Orleans, their first trip without their children.
"We had talked about it, but before we left, we made sure we did it and stopped procrastinating," says Mr. Grant, 46.
A flight to Europe this summer caused an Amelia couple to update their will. A month later, Thomas and Heather Uehlein were reminded of the random nature of disaster.
The Uehleins took Swissair Flight 111 from New York to Geneva in late July.
On Sept. 2, that same flight crashed off Nova Scotia, killing all 229 people on board.
While their parents were on vacation, the Uehlein boys, Adam, 12, and Derek, 10, spent time with Mrs. Uehlein's brother and his wife in Jacksonville, Fla. They are the couple's guardian choice. "You can't plan for a tragedy," says Mrs. Uehlein, 43. "When your time is up, your time is up."
Knight-Ridder News Service contributed to this report.
