BY MARK CURNUTTE
The Cincinnati Enquirer
Without fail, when Rosalie "Rosie" Robles counsels married couples in the fall, she hears how football is dividing husbands and wives.
"I'd say, "How about those Seahawks or that Notre Dame team,' and he'd move forward on his seat and get excited," says Ms. Robles, 52, counselor and spiritual director for the Skagit Valley Regional Ministry in Mount Vernon, Wash., about 60 miles north of Seattle. "But the wife, she would roll her eyes or poke him in the ribs with an elbow. I'd ask, "What's wrong?' And she'd say she just didn't get it. She didn't see the purpose in it."
So in 1997, the former nun wrote a self-published leaflet Football Doesn't Have to Be a Dirty Word, a primer to explain the basics of football.
The booklet went over so well with couples that it was picked up by a Los Angeles-based publisher (Advance Resource Publication), repackaged and rereleased as Football Doesn't Have to Be a Dirty Word: A Woman's Guide to Understanding the Sport, a 27-page book. In her neck of the woods, it's the Seattle Seahawks and University of Washington Huskies who are responsible for football widows. Around here it's the Bengals and Buckeyes. Regardless of locale, the result is often the same.
As a counselor and a football fan, Ms. Robles contends that many women wouldn't resent the game so much if they understood it better.
"Instead of long, involved explanations or saying "Shh,' a husband can learn to simply state the basics of the game," said the former Catholic nun, who left her order (Sisters of St. Joseph of Carondelet) two years ago.
A "compassionate" response can lead to "mutuality," which in football terms, equates to a touchdown.
"If we can cross over in space amicably, we can reduce tension and have a more life-giving experience," she says.
So, Ms. Robles says, football-loving men can involve their wives or girlfriends by:
Simplifying the terms of the games. Don't get technical. For example, instead of using the word "downs," say, "the team with the ball gets four tries to go 10 yards."
Not taking anything for granted.
Encouraging her to listen closely to the announcer and commentator. "You can pick up a lot from them," she says.
Making it visual. Ms. Robles' father, a former semi-professional football player in a Los Angeles municipal league, used to explain the game and formations to her by using checkers.
Her methods have proven so successful that the National Football League, in conjunction with her favorite team, the Seattle Seahawks, asked Ms. Robles to lead a class of Football 101, which the league sponsors for new fans.
"Men will actually enjoy the game more if their wives understand it a little," she says. "If she can share in the excitement, she won't be in the kitchen banging cupboards and nagging you to take the garbage out or cut the grass."
