Thursday, April 01, 1999
Psychologist takes on 'explosive' children
BY CINDY KRANZ
The Cincinnati Enquirer
Explosive children are a bigger handful than the typical 2-year-old who throws a tantrum in the grocery store.
They're sometimes verbally and physically aggressive. They're often argumentative and defiant. They're always exasperating.
Dr. Ross W. Greene, a psychologist at Massachusetts General Hospital and Harvard Medical School, has written a book offering a new approach to parenting these easily frustrated children.
The Explosive Child(HarperCollins; $24) challenges the traditional approach of rewards and punishments for children diagnosed with oppositional-defiant disorder (ODD). Dr. Greene will speak here April 9 at a symposium focusing on this disorder.
He offered this preview of his approach, honed by years of working with children diagnosed with ODD.
Question: What are the characteristics of an explosive child?
Answer: “These are kids who are strikingly inflexible, very easily frustrated and tend to respond to demands for frustration tolerance and flexibility in an explosive way that's reflective of the difficulties they're having.”
Q: Why do they behave this way?
A: “My belief is they can't help it . . . They are often compromised in one of three critical skill areas: self-regulation, effective modulation and language processing. It is invariably the case that a kid who walks through my door is compromised in at least one of those areas and is carrying a diagnosis like ADHD (attention- deficit/hyperactivity disorder) or mood or language processing disorders. ODD rarely occurs outside the presence of other disorders. My opinion is it's the compromised skills imposed by those other disorders that set the stage for a child to be not very responsive to demands from the world for flexibility and tolerance.
Q: What has been the traditional approach to raising these children?
A: “Reward and punishment. If they do what they're told, you reward them or if they don't do what they're told, punish them in the form of time out. They either don't stay, or they beat you up. It does lead parents to believe that they're inept. What I started noticing is a lot of these parents who thought they were inept had other children in the home who were well-behaved.”
Q: What is your approach?
A: “I tell parents they have three roles they play with their kids: authority figure; teacher of skills of flexibility; and setter of expectations and prioritizer.
There are three baskets into which you put the kids' behavior. Basket A is the authority figure. There are things you're willing to have kids lose it over if it comes to that, such as safety.
Basket B is walking the child through problem solving and engaging the child in the process of working things out. Sometimes, that includes compromising. You're not telling the kid what he must do.
Basket C is the prioritization. In there go all those behaviors we couldn't care less about anymore. Sometimes, adults make the mistake of comprehending that as the "giving in' basket. It, most assuredly, is not.
One of the main goals is to reduce the level of the child's frustration and help him deal better with it ... Parents were brought up or trained that Basket A is the most important basket. Basket B is most important.
What (explosive children) are desperately needing, that simply ignoring them doesn't give them, is a road map that gets them out of their frustration.”
Q: Can you give a specific example of how you'd use the basket approach?
A: “Let's say you have a kid who is riding in a car with his parents, and he says he wants caps for his cap gun. The kid says that calmly. He is not throwing a fit. The parent, before they utter a word, has to say "A, B or C?' If it's in A, you say, "I know this is going to frustrate you, but I don't want you to have caps for your cap gun.' You're willing to take the chance of a meltdown, because the issue is not negotiable. If it's in Basket C, you say, "OK.'
If it's in Basket B, you say, "When do you want the caps?' The child says, "I want them today.' You say, "Today's kind of packed, so this is what we'll have to work out. It's fine with me if you get caps, but I was kind of hoping you'd wait until this summer.' Now, the kid gets agitated and says, "I want caps today.' You say, "That's something we'll have to work out.'
You're taking a chance on a meltdown, but because they're greeted predominantly with Basket A, Basket B is a breath of fresh air for them. That doesn't mean they don't get very agitated . . . My approach is still hard. Living with a kid like this will never be easy. We want to make sure with your hard work you've got something to show for it. Life can be much more livable, and you can feel this kid is much more lovable.”
IF YOU GO
• What: The Explosive Child, a symposium with Dr. Ross W. Greene, sponsored by New England Educational Institute.
• When: 9 a.m.-5 p.m. Friday.
• Where: Regal Cincinnati Hotel, 150 W. Fifth St., downtown.
• Cost: $149.
• Information: (413) 499-1489.
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