Sunday, May 30, 1999
Peacecamp helps kids defuse anger
BY SUSAN VELA
The Cincinnati Enquirer
ERLANGER — Abby O'Brien experienced a rite of passage this year and came out smiling.
When a schoolmate began bullying her, the 9-year-old girl went from being hurt and upset to practicing some of the peacemaking skills she learned last summer.
She talked to her antagonist and tried to become friends with the other child.
It didn't work, but her parents, Dave and Melanie O'Brien of Elsmere, were proud that she dealt with the conflict peacefully instead of running away from it or mimicking her schoolmate's bullying.
That's exactly why he's enrolled her in summer
Peacecamp for the second year in a row. Abby asked him to do so.
“They somehow get through to the kids that fighting doesn't solve anything but only makes things worse,” Mr. O'Brien said. “If you can negotiate, then everybody becomes a winner.”
ABOUT PEACECAMP
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Catholic Social Services of Northern Kentucky is a 51-year-old agency that provides counseling, substance abuse, child abuse prevention and other programs. Parents can still enroll their children for Peacecamp at the Catholic Center in Erlanger. Children entering third, fourth and fifth grades next fall can apply.
Sessions are scheduled for the weeks of June 28, July 12, July 19 and Aug. 2. Each will run from 8:30 a.m. to noon, Mondays through Thursdays.
The application fee is $40. For information, call 581-8974, ext. 122.
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The four-day Peacecamp sessions offered by Catholic Social Services (CSS) stress that children should face conflict like dolphins, swimming through the turbulent waters before them, rather than like a turtle, which is likely to pull his head back into its shell, or like a lion, which usually opts for aggressive behavior.
CSS is offering four Peacecamp sessions this year, doubling the amount from last year because of popular demand.
More parents are eager to sign their children up as teen violence becomes more prev alent and extreme, said organizer Michelle Quarry, a child and family therapist who has taught peacemaking skills for the past four years at Mary Queen of Heaven School in Erlanger and Prince of Peace School in Covington.
The overall goal, she said, is to teach children to deal with conflict instead of run ning away from it and perhaps letting their anger and bad feelings escalate to a boiling point.
It's a skill that they'll be able to use for the rest of their lives.
“No one teaches a child to handle put downs (and) handle their anger. If (parents) can't role-model it, kids are left figuring it out on their own,” she said.
For the second consecutive year, Tim and Cheryl Webber of Erlanger enrolled their 9-year-old son in Peacecamp. He has attention deficit disorder, and the couple worries that it might make the child susceptible to impulsive behavior.
“I feel that (Peacecamp) really helps him,” Mrs. Weber said. “It did last summer, and he really enjoyed it. He hated for it to end.
“It's really important that kids see that we're all here to live together, and we have to live together in a peaceful way.”
Each day of Peacecamp focuses on a different topic: Dealing with the conflict, an ger management, friendship building and self-esteem. Four counselors work with the children, helping them understand that there are different means of cooling off one's anger, including different games and athletic activities.
The children get to see snippets of Roadrunner cartoons and the Home Alone video, so that they understand that conflicts in those productions aren't solved in a realistic manner.
They are given five options to follow if they run into a bully on the schoolyard or in the classroom:
• Ignore it.
• Use I-statements, such as, “I feel upset because I thought you were my friend.”
• Be assertive by, for example, telling the antagonist that his comments aren't helping the situation.
• Make a friendly joke out of it.
• Ask for help or co-operation. If a young girl or boy is being teased about how they swing a bat, for example, the youngster should ask their antagonist to help them.
“Kids really do it, too,” Ms. Quarry said.
She noted that Peacecampers actually come from both sides of the spectrum — some are the bullies and some are the bullied.
They are all told that for every time they “put down” one of their fellow campers, their punishment will be to give that child five “put-ups” or compliments.
“They say, "Forget it. It's not worth it,'” she said.
Counselors also tell the campers that bullies tend to have several basic motivations for putting others down, including a need for attention and to elevate themselves in front of others. But, she said, most children are shocked to learn that another motivator is the fact that put-downs are the only style of communication that some children know.
Mary Miller, a volunteer with Big Brothers-Big Sisters Association, is looking forward to taking her “little sister” to Peacecamp.
“I'm hoping that she can have some fun and learn at the same time to express her anger in a positive way,” said the Newport resident. “It would also be good (for her) to be around other children, and they can all learn from each other in dealing with anger. There are positive ways to work through to a win-win situation instead of just getting caught up in the spiral of the anger.”
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