Thursday, August 26, 1999
How to put a porker in your art collection
BY LAURA PULFER
The Cincinnati Enquirer
Marty is back and he thinks I'm a pig. “I can just see you with your snout in a trough of coconut ice cream,” he says.
Ever since I began working at The Enquirer, Marty has been leaving his spoor on my voicemail. His calls are made early in the morning or late at night when there is little chance for debate. He likes to register his opinion and hang up. His opinion is that I am worthless and misguided. He also thinks I have a “nasally” voice and a “know-it-all” smirk. (The nasal voice runs in the family. I developed the smirk after years of practice.)
His reason for calling this time was twofold.
A wimpy flavor
The first fold was regarding a decision by Graeter's to tamper with Coconut Month. (Aug. 8 column) “Of course, you would like some wimpy flavor like coconut,” Marty said in his by-now familiar growl. He went on to say that every red-blooded Cincinnatian, given a free choice, would elect to eat “something of Graeter's with chocolate in it. Besides, I hate coconut.”
Well, as usual, Marty, you do not speak for the majority of right-thinking Cincinnatians. And I am happy to report that not only did the confection company relent and serve up coconut ice cream for the balance of August, but Dick Graeter assured me that he will continue to make coconut through September.
The second fold of Marty's complaint was about painted pigs. (Aug. 12 column) “I'm not really calling about the ice cream,” he said. “I know you were kidding.” (I was not.)
He is very agitated about my “plot” to “put a bunch of ugly pigs all over the place.” I had suggested imitating Chicago's successful exhibit of fiberglass bovines, Cows on Parade, adapting it to our own cultural heritage, namely pigs.
And they will not be ugly. They will be gorgeous. Life-sized or bigger, decorated by some of the region's best artists.
A committee has been formed of heavy-hitters from business, the arts and city and county government. Of course, the economics has appeal. Chicago's cows, sponsored by companies and individuals, have resulted in an estimated $100 million for cow-related merchandise.
Plus the puns are irresistible.
“I squealed with delight when I read your article about the Cow/Pig promotion,” wrote Terry Metzler of West Chester. “This wouldn't be like buying a pig in a poke because we already know that the idea can work. Let's go whole-hog.” There was more talk of “bringing home the bacon” and “pork-barrel projects.”
You get the idea.
Checkered Pig Boy
Karen Maier, Frisch's Restaurants vice president of marketing, wrote, “We'll sponsor Pig Boy, dressed in red checkered overalls, extolling the benefits of eating more beef.”
Tamara Harkavy, executive director of ArtWorks, is taking bids from local fabricators and working with the steering committee to approve a design. Tamara is the Bo Peep of this pig project, or whatever you call the person who herds pigs.
And if you can come up with a name for the show, she'll give you one of the pigs. This is not a trivial offer. Sotheby's is auctioning off the 300 Chicago cows, and some estimates have been as high as $10,000 per cow.
Jimmy Gibson, executive chef at the Waterfront and the Precinct, suggests Pigs with Altitude. Cincinnati Councilman Jim Tarbell calls it the Painted Pig Project. The committee will announce its choice Sept. 27. Send your suggestions to me by fax (768-8340) or e-mail (lpulfer@enquirer.com) or by letter (312 Elm St., Cincinnati 45202).
Co-chairs Joe Hale, Cinergy Foundation president, and Melody Richardson, local arts patron, have raised $40,000 so far and a big head of steam. “Everybody gets it,” Joe said. “The cross-promotional aspects are obvious.”
Anyway, I hope Marty is right. I'd be proud if I were walking down the street next fall and saw a nice big fiberglass porker called Laura Pigfer. But I think they'll have trouble finding a big enough pair of sweatpants.
Laura Pulfer appears regularly on WVXU radio, NPR's Morning Edition and InterMedia's Northern Kentucky Magazine.
