Sunday, September 05, 1999
Tips for parents, students
If your child tells you she or he is being bullied
• Believe your child. Ask for specifics.
• Don't confront the bully or the bully's parents. This might make matters worse.
• Don't tell your child to “get in there and fight.” Your child could get hurt.
• Don't blame your child. Bullying is never the victim's fault.
• Don't promise to keep the bullying a secret.
• Tell your child you're glad that he or she told you. Explain that you are going to help, and you're also going to ask the teacher for help.
• Request a private meeting with the teacher as soon as possible.
If your child is a bully
• Talk with your child. Your child might try to deny or minimize the behavior; this is normal.
• Don't blame; don't ask why something happened or why your child acted in a certain way. This may lead to lies and excuses. Stay calm. Make it clear that bullying is not O.K. with you.
• Talk with your child about how bullying affects the victim. If you remember times from your own childhood when you were bullied, share how it made you feel.
• Reassure your child that you still love him or her. It's the bullying behavior you don't like.
To stop a bully
You don't have to be a hero to stop bullying. You reduce a bully's power over victims, and everyone else when you:
• Refuse to join in or watch (joining in or watching gives the bully permission to bully).
• Speak out (say “Don't do/say that. It's not right.”)
• Report any bullying you know about or see to a trusted teacher or adult.
• Stand up for the person being bullied; gather around or invite the person to join your group.
• Be a friend to the person being bullied.
• Make an effort to include students who are normally left out or rejected.
• Distract the bully so he or she stops the bullying behavior.
Source: The Bully Free Classroom: Over 100 Tips and Strategies for Teachers K-8,by Dr. Allan L. Beane.
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