Friday, April 14, 2000
Grandparents get advice and encouragement
BY Susan Vela
The Cincinnati Enquirer
LAKESIDE PARK — “You know you're a grandparent caregiver when ...”
That's the line Louisville psychologist Wayne Harper offered Thursday when he helped kick off the all-day, “Grandparents Raising Grandchildren Conference 2000” at Lakeside Christian Church.
During his keynote address, Mr. Harper, who raised one of his five grandchildren for a year, also shared the emotional twists and turns that older people endure when they find themselves in the odd, not-so-uncommon position of parenting their grandchildren.
“You know you're a grandparent caregiver when ...” your child comes to visit, plays with your grand child for five or 10 minutes, argues with you for an hour and leaves the house “upside down.”
“You know you're a grandparent caregiver when ...” your grandchild wraps his arms around you in the evening and says “You're mommy now. Please don't die.”
“There is honor, joy, pride, achievement, warmth and tender moments in raising grandchildren. While there may not be one-liners, there are rewards,” said Mr. Harper, who joked that he's no Jay Leno.
More than 63,000 grandparents are raising grandchildren in Kentucky, and about 5,000 of them are in Northern Kentucky.
According to the U.S. Census, the number of children living with their grandparents grew from 2.2 million in 1970 to 3.9 million in 1997, the latest year that figures are available.
The Kentucky Office of Family Leadership, Northern Kentucky Area Development District, Children Inc. of Covington, Rothert Hospital Equipment in Florence, and Cooperative Extension Service agencies of Kenton, Boone and Campbell counties sponsored Thursday's conference. It was intended to help the growing population of grandparents raising grandchildren.
About 150 people attended, learning more about legal and mental health issues, state financial aid, stress management, school involvement and how to deal with generation gaps.
During his presentation, “Grandparents as Parents Again,” Mr. Harper urged grandparents to forget about their troubles and, instead, congratulate themselves.
He gave reasons to celebrate:
• Kentucky now has more than 20 support groups for grandparents raising grandchildren.
• It's becoming more common for these support groups and agencies serving the elderly to work together on projects aimed to better serve those grandparents.
• Grandparents are getting greater acknowledgement in the court systems. Mr. Harper noted that a 1998 Kentucky law gave grandparents and third-party custody petitioners legal recognition.
Mr. Harper urged the audience to pay attention to a case, Troxel vs. Granville, pending before the U.S. Supreme Court. It concerns grandparent visitation rights.
The case involves grandparents Jenifer and Gary Troxel of Washington state. When their son died, they quarreled with the mother of Gary's children over how much time they wanted to spend with the youngsters. The grandparents sued for visitation rights.
Donna Ingold, 49, of Erlanger, approached Mr. Harper after his presentation. Her husband is dying from diabetes and a heart disorder. She wanted to know more about services available to her while she's raising her 3-year-old granddaughter.
Afterward, she said that she doesn't think employers provide enough help, such as funds for day care, for grandparents raising grandchildren.
“If we didn't take her, she'd be in the system,” she said of her grandchild.
Thursday story: Grandparents parents again
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