Friday, April 14, 2000

Single mom embraces grandmotherhood

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BY John Johnston
The Cincinnati Enquirer

        When Pam Martin divorced in 1980 at age 23, she had a 3-year-old daughter to support — and no time to feel sorry for herself.

Everyone has a story worth telling. At least, that's the theory. To test it, Tempo is throwing darts at the phone book. When a dart hits a name, a reporter dials the phone number and asks if someone in the home will be interviewed. Stories appear on Fridays.

        Instead, she enrolled in college, even while holding down a full-time job. She eventually earned a degree in chemical technology and did her best to balance her career with her daughter's needs.

        Some nights after work, Pam wanted to collapse in bed. But there was her daughter, Rolanda, eager to show her something she'd learned, such as a cheer for the drill team. Pam took time to watch.

        She was fortunate. She didn't have to raise her daughter alone.

        “My parents played a really big role in her life,” Pam says. “My parents helped raise her, and I could go on with my career. But I always found quality time to spend with her, even though I put in a lot of hours at work.”

        Pam, who lives in Fairfield, says she also found strength in God and in her church, St. James Second Born Church of God in Walnut Hills.

        “My focus all those years as a single parent was trying to raise my daughter the best way I could,” she says. “You don't realize how hard it is until you're past it.”

        She might have thought her biggest challenges were behind her when Rolanda graduated from Walnut Hills High School and headed off to college a few years ago.

        But then came the news last year that Rolanda, who is not married, was pregnant.

        “It hurt, it did,” says Pam, who is 43. She had plans for her only child, and this was not part of those plans, at least not yet. “But I had to realize I was young once, and there were mistakes I made.”

        She also realized, once again, that she could not afford to feel sorry for herself. Her daughter needed her.

        “The emotional strain, that was the hardest part,” says Rolanda, who is 22.

        Rolanda felt as though she had let her mother and her family down. But her mother wouldn't allow her to sink into depression.

        “It was a rough time for her,” Pam says. “We wanted to make sure that baby came out OK, and a lot of that would depend on her attitude. So I had to support her emotionally. I stopped being sad, or disappointed (for myself). It happened, so let's deal with it.”

        Rolanda first had to deal with the fact that her relationship with the baby's father would not work out. They are still friends, however. He, too, is a college student; his family helps care for the baby when Rolanda is in school.

        The baby is Paige Martin, born May 22, 1999.

        Rolanda says Paige motivates her to achieve.

        “I've had a child out of wedlock, so what am I going to do now? Stay in school? Yes, I'm going to finish school.

        “I'd like to someday have my own business,” maybe in the communications or computer fields. “I want to be successful, and I want to have a family, and be happy.”

        She took a quarter off from Wright State University, but now is back full time and expects to earn a bachelor's degree in communications. She works 15 hours a week as a greeter for a home remodeling company and does some modeling on the side. And she devotes as much time as she can to her baby.

        She knows she couldn't do it alone. She's grateful to family, friends and her pastor, but especially to her mother, who welcomed her home.

        Pam had just become comfortable living alone when Rolanda became pregnant. “It's been an adjustment, having Paige in the house,” Pam says. But it's an adjustment Pam was willing to make. “She's a joy,” Pam says of the pony-tailed Paige.

        “I want to play a big role in helping raise my granddaughter,” Pam says. “I love my daughter, and I love my granddaughter. We struggled at times with the change in priorities and added responsibilities, but through God's grace, our love and the bond between us has grown stronger.”

       

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