Friday, April 28, 2000
Test teaches parents how to help
By Cindy Kranz
The Cincinnati Enquirer
At some point, every parent wishes children came with an instruction manual. Unfortunately, there's no such thing. However author Myhrna Shure, whose award-winning work is being used in school curriculums across the country, offers some insight into raising preteens.
Children who learn to problem solve by age 12 can avoid serious problems during the rebellious teen years, she says in her new book, Raising a Thinking Preteen: The “I Can Problem Solve” Program for 8- to 12-Year-Olds.
How well can you teach problem solving to your children? Test your skills with these 10 situations from her book. See answers below:
SIBLINGS
1. Annoyance: Eight-year-old Tom is bothered because his 6-year-old sister, Betsy, is bugging him again. He screams at her to “Get out!” You turn to Betsy and say:
A. This is not the time to bother your brother. He's doing his homework.
B. If you don't leave your brother alone, you'll have to go to your room.
C. Why don't you do your homework now?
D. Is this a good time to talk to your brother?
2. Fighting over the TV. Nine-year-old Keith and his 11-year-old sister, Lindsay, want to watch different programs at the same time, and he changes the channel. You say to Keith:
A. What can you say or do when you both want to watch a different show at the same time?
B. Turn the channel back right now!
C. You're not being fair to your sister. She lets you watch shows you want.
D. What gives you the right to change the channel?
3. Sharing a bedroom. Both 9-year-old Edward and 7-year-old Lewis want the top bunk bed. You say to both of them:
A. What can you two do to solve this problem?
B. Stop your bickering! If you can't decide, I'll decide who sleeps in the top bed.
C. You should take turns. That's the fair thing to do.
D. You're lucky. When I was a child I had to share a bed with my brother.
PARENT AND CHILD
4. Irresponsibility: Your 11-year-old daughter forgets to relay phone responses. You say:
A. When are you going to remember to tell us who called?
B. People will think I'm not interested in talking to them.
C. People will think you're irresponsible.
D. What can you do to remember to give me my messages?
5. Back talk: Your 9-year-old son says, “That's stupid,” to his father. His father says:
A. Don't back talk to me! I'm the father; you're the child. Do you understand this!
B. I feel very angry when you talk back to me.
C. Can you think of a different way to tell me how you feel?
D. Did you hear what you just said? You must learn how to talk to people or they won't want to talk to you.
6. Lying: Your 11-year-old son insists he didn't break the window. Another boy threw the ball. You say:
A. I feel very angry that you're lying about this.
B. How do you think I feel when you don't tell the truth?
C. It's bad enough that you didn't listen to us about throwing against the house. Now you're lying about it, too.
D. You'll pay for this out of your allowance.
E. Brad wasn't here that day. You're lying again.
BETWEEN FRIENDS
7. Broken friendship: Your 9-year-old daughter whines. “My best friends likes the new kid more.” You say:
A. Tell her you feel bad, and you still want to be her friend.
B. That's making you very sad, isn't it?
C. How does that make you feel?
D. Be friends with the new kid, too.
E. What can you do or say so she'll still be your friend?
8. Thoughtlessness: Your 11-year-old son asks if he can call his friend at 9 on Sunday morning, even though you've told him not to. You say:
A. Your friend is probably still sleeping. Call him later.
B. Your friend will be angry if you wake him up.
C. How do you think your friend will feel if you wake him up?
D. You're being very thoughtless. I told you not to call him now!
E. Is this a good time or not a good time to call him?
9. Whistle-blowing: Your 8-year-old daughter is getting the reputation of being a tattler. You say:
A. If you keep tattling on others, you won't have any friends.
B. If you tattle on others, they'll tattle on you.
C. How might someone feel if you tattle on her?
D. What might happen if you keep tattling on someone?
10. Taking things without asking: Your 8-year-old daughter complains, “She took my lunch box.” You say:
A. Tell her if she doesn't give it back, you won't be her friend anymore.
B. Tell the teacher.
C. What can you do or say so she'll give it back?
D. Don't play with her anymore. She's not a nice person.
ANSWERS
1. The problem-solving response is D. Even though C begins with the word “why,” it is not a genuine information-seeking question. There is no room for her to come up with an idea of her own).
2: A; 3: A; 4. D; 5. C; 6. B; 7. C and E; 8. C and E; 9. C and D; 10. C.
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