Friday, July 21, 2000
Mother's method makes kids work
Persuading kids to do chores at home doesn't have to be futile
By Cindy Kranz
The Cincinnati Enquirer
Karen Barbera loves the chaos that comes with a family of six children, but admits it's overwhelming sometimes.
About three years ago, the 39-year-old Batesville, Ind., woman decided her four oldest children, now 7 to 11, were capable of helping with chores: making their beds, cleaning their rooms, doing dishes and other tasks.
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AGE-APPROPRIATE CHORES
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Ages 2-3
•
Help make the bed — at least pull up the covers.
• Hang clothing on hooks.
• Carry laundry to and from the laundry area.
• Help feed animals.
• Help wipe up spills.
• Bring in the newspaper.
• Mop a small area.
• Pour from a small pitcher.
• Help pick up the living room.
Ages 4-5
• Make their own bed.
• Clear dishes from table.
• Set the table.
• Retrieve the mail.
• Dust furniture.
• Help in the kitchen — stirring, ripping lettuce, drying dishes.
• Help carry and put away groceries.
Ages 6-12
• Take care of pets.
• Cook simple foods.
• Help wash the car.
• Wash, hang and fold laundry.
• Vacuum, sweep and mop.
• Clean the bathroom completely.
• Rake leaves and shovel snow.
• Use the washer and dryer.
• Take out the trash.
Ages 13 and up
• Any of the above, plus:
• Change light bulbs.
• Replace vacuum cleaner bag.
• Washing inside and outside windows.
• Clean out refrigerator.
• Clean stove and oven.
• Prepare a meal.
• Make grocery lists.
• Do all laundry functions.
• Mow the lawn.
Source: Life Skills for Kids by Christine M. Field
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Besides bringing order to the house, chores are a valuable tool for teaching children self-confidence, says Christine M. Field, author of Life Skills for Kids (Shaw; $14.99).
“Children will only truly believe in themselves when they have done something competently, something to feel good about,” Ms. Field says. “The home provides a natural training ground where even the very young child can feel valued and have a sense of belonging, as he or she contributes while at the same time learning life skills in the family.”
Many parents discover, though, that their attempts to get kids to do chores can be exasperating. Mrs. Barbera tried two versions of a chore plan in the last two to three years.
“It was a good plan in theory, but more often than not a disaster in implementation,” Mrs. Barbera wrote for the Enquirer's Readers Write series.
“When summer came, my kids were flying out of the house without first completing their chores, lured, in all fairness to them, by the throngs of neighbor kids who would encircle the house hoping that their particular Barbera pal would win an early work release.
“I would pick up one discarded item off of the floor and six more would simultaneously drop down from the upstairs railing . . . I would try punishing offenders, but nothing was being gained by grounding them to their rooms. Even my unhinged, emotional tirades — although entertaining to the kids and the gawking neighbors — soon lost their effectiveness. But I have found something that works!”
The Barbera method
Mrs. Barbera has fine-tuned her original plan with index cards on the pantry door. Her method:
• Daily chores: The chores listed on the cards that hang below each child's name must be completed first thing each morning before they can watch TV or play.
• Red Flags — additional chores: If they fail to do this, or breach any other house rules listed on the Red Flag sheet, they receive a Red Flag card that hangs on a hook below their name. They then must complete an extra chore of their mother's choosing before they can watch TV or play.
Now, instead of being grounded, the kids are helping their mom with small to large chores around the house depending on the severity of the house rule broken. If they get five Red Flags before they work them off, they receive some form of capital punishment when their father gets home and cannot play or watch TV until they receive that and complete five chores to earn the flags off. It's a very visual, effective way of enforcing rules.
• Stars — good behavior: The best part of this system, Mrs. Barbera says, is the addition of STAR cards to reinforce good behavior. Every time the kids do something above and beyond the call of duty, she can tell them they have earned a star card.
This entitles them to stay up 15 extra minutes for each star card. It means as much if not more to my 11 year old as it does to my 7 year olds. It's great, Mrs. Barbera says, to be able to acknowledge the good things and extra help the kids give their mom in a way that's meaningful to them.
All these Red Flags and Star cards may sound silly, sh e says, but her kids have latched onto the system and live by it. They even take a certain pride in it when friends come over and ask what all the cards are on the pantry door.
Moreover, Mrs. Barbera says, it's the first thing that has really helped to bring the chaos of their household under control. The rules are very defined and easy for the kids to follow, and the extra chores they perform reduce her workload.
Today, when they ask her if they can go out and play, Mrs. Barbera takes a quick glance at the pantry door. If they have no Red Flags and their Daily Chore cards are moved over to the completed hook, her answer is a resounding yes!
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