Wednesday, August 09, 2000
Caring for aging parents can be a daily juggling routine
By Korky Vann
Hartford Courant
Marjorie Haas knows firsthand the challenges of being a member of the sandwich generation.
As the adult daughter of an 87-year-old woman living in Indianapolis, she is a long-distance caregiver juggling a schedule that includes a full-time job, a family and regular trips to Indiana to assist her mother with everything from preparing meals to scheduling doctor's appointments and balancing finances.
As a social worker with the Geriatric Assessment Program at Masonic Healthcare Center in Wallingford, Conn., she deals daily with family members caring for their own elderly, ailing parents. Experiencing the issue both professionally and personally, she says, has taught her that there are no right answers or perfect solutions.
“It's no easier for me than for anyone else,” Ms. Haas says. “Even though intellectually you know you are doing all you can, the guilt and the "shoulds' are always there that maybe you could be doing more.”
Nearly 23 million Americans are taking care of aging parents, and the numbers are growing daily. A recent national study of unpaid caretakers released last month by Sage Products Inc., manufacturers of bathing products for bedridden individuals, revealed that while it's rewarding, caregiving is an unexpected drain on personal, family and work time.
As parents age, their needs can range anywhere from receiving daily phone calls and occasional visits to round-the-clock care. Almost half of respondents reported that they were unprepared for the amount of time caregiving takes and the difficulties they encountered trying to balance their own lives and caregiving responsibilities. Ms. Haas says that the best solutions to any type of care for older people are the ones that take everyone's needs into account — including the caregivers'.
“In order to take care of others, you have to take care of yourself,” Ms. Haas says. “Share your feelings and concerns with your spouse and children. Acknowledge what you can handle and what is beyond your capabilities, and ask for help.”
The first, and often most difficult, step in caring for older parents is opening communication. Identify what you think the care needs are, and discuss them with your parents and siblings. Determine what you can handle and which tasks warrant in-home care, then set up a realistic schedule.
Nearly 80 percent of caregivers help with preparing meals, housework, medications and grocery shopping, while half provide aid in dressing, bathing and using the toilet. Tasks sited as the most time-consuming included bathing, giving medications, dressing and transporting. To help streamline efforts, experts offer the following tips:
• Schedule bathing for the time of day the recipient has the most energy and choose one outfit that will work for the whole day, no matter what activities are scheduled.
• Schedule doctor appointments, errands and other outings on the same day.
• Use waiting room “down time” to do work, organize your calendar and make phone calls.
• Overlap efforts whenever possible. For example, do your own laundry, food shopping and meal preparations while you are doing the same chores for your parents.
• At the beginning of each week, organize medications into a pill caddy with a compartment for each day.
• Mark prescription refill and expiration dates in your calendar or organizer.
• Let your parent know how long you can stay when you visit and stick to it. Use the phone to stay in touch whenever possible.
The following national and area resources can provide caregivers with information on services and financial assistance. Children of Aging Parents, (800) 227-7294, is a national organization that provides information to adult children caring for elderly parents. Eldercare Locator, (800) 677-1116, assists long-distance caregivers in finding services.
A new Web site, www.webofcare.com, offers practical information, animated caregiving demonstrations and online support groups designed to help the needs of home caregivers. Also, webofcare.com's “Ask the Expert” service provides access to medical professionals who respond to individual questions within 48 hours.
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