Wednesday, September 06, 2000

How old is old enough?

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We ask the experts about when kids should be able to do what

By Cindy Kranz
The Cincinnati Enquirer

        Parents make some decisions easily, based on the ages of their children.

        Some issues aren't so clear cut, such as when to allow your child to go alone to the amusement park. When parents tell a child, “You're not old enough,” what they really mean is “You're not mature enough.”

Dentists recommend that children start visiting the dentist as early as age 1. (Enquirer photo) | ZOOM |

        Even though age can't determine all decisions, parents still like to use it as a benchmark. The Enquirer's Internet Family Resource Panel posed these questions, and experts supplied the answers.

        Question: At what age should we take our child to the dentist for the first time?

        Answer: The American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry recommends the first dental visit occur when the first teeth erupt about six months old and no later than age 1. We call it an infant dental care visit. It's really a counseling appointment for the family, but we do examine the infant. I talk to the families about how to clean the teeth at home, when to use toothpaste and what kind to use, when to introduce a toothbrush and what kind, and talk to them about a low risk cavity diet and nursing bottle tooth decay.

        You should begin to use toothpaste at age 2. The toothpaste brand is important. It should be a fluoride toothpaste with the American Dental Association seal on it. You want to use a very small amount of toothpaste, pea-sized, until the kids can rinse and spit. A lot of kids 2, 3, and 4 will swallow a small amount toothpaste.

        I recommend a toothbrush at age 1, but if they want to use it earlier that's fine. We always tell the parent that you should brush your child's teeth until he can tie his shoes. Children who have the manual dexterity to tie shoes have the dexterity to really get their teeth clean. Let the children brush and then you follow up. I like to see it twice a day, three if possible.

JOIN OUR PANEL

The Enquirer is looking for more people to join our Internet Family Resource Panel. You will receive periodic e-mails from us, asking for help with family-related stories and ideas.   To join, e-mail family reporter Cindy Kranz at: ckranz@enquirer.com. Please include your: name, age, neighborhood, phone number, occupation, marital status, number of children and their ages. To help us diversify our coverage, let us know if you are an ethnic minority.

       — Dr. Jim Steiner, director of pediatric dentistry, Children's Hospital Medical Center

       

        Q: At what age should I let my children go to Paramount's Kings Island without an adult along?

        A: The time to allow your child to exercise this freedom is when your child is ready and able to do so. Some 13-year-olds can go to an amusement park with a friend and without an adult and do fine. Some 15-year-olds would make a mess of such freedom. Begin by doing some research. For instance, call the front office of the amusement park to find out what are their thoughts and experiences. Talk to the other parents involved. Then sit with your child and let her put her creativity to work.

        The largest issue at play here is your teen-ager's yearning for independence, which is related to your willingness to let go a little, stage by stage, appropriately. So you don't want to make these steps too hard to take, but neither do you want to make them too easy, either.

        You should say to your child, “I know you want to go to the amusement park without supervision, but frankly that makes me nervous and scared. And you need to take care of my nerves and fright if you want to go to the park. So, do you have any ideas about how you can help me feel responsible by giving you this much freedom?”

        Now be quiet and listen. Your child won't have much to say right away, though don't be surprised if she interviews you to get a better sense of your concerns. Then within 24 hours she'll get back to you with some ideas. If she doesn't get back to you — and she well may not — it might be because she was just trying on an idea that she wasn't sold on in the first place.

        The goal is to get her to see the problem and take responsibility for the solution. And this approach should work for just about all of the behaviors and freedoms that fall within the gray area of negotiation between parent and child, which is just about everything.

       — Michael Riera and Joseph Di Prisco, authors of Field Guide to the American Teenager (Perseus; $25)

        Q: At what age should I allow my children to watch or listen to the news?

        A: Since TV news is so crime- and disaster-oriented, it is probably not a good idea for preschoolers to be exposed to TV news. We can obviously make exceptions for news coverage of important historical events, like the election of a president and space shuttle takeoffs.

        It's not that we want to keep preschoolers away from TV at all costs. It's just that we do not want to bring attention to it. One of the reasons is that TV has become very sensationalized, and they prey on emotions, like fear. Children can easily become fearful when hearing stories about kidnappings, school shootings, etc.

        Elementary school-age children should start to be oriented to getting their news from newspapers and magazines, particularly those that are geared to their ages. The reason for this is that we know from research that adults who get their news from print media are better informed than those who only get their news from radio. Orienting kids to print news outlets early will pay dividends in terms of literacy and in terms of developing a lifelong habit of reading to keep informed.

        This does not mean that elementary school children should not be allowed to watch TV news. It just means that they should not get all their news there. Parents should be aware to manage the news exposure of their children when there are particularly scary events. We want to strike the balance between having kids that are informed without having kids developing a “mean world syndrome” at an early age.

        TV news for high schoolers actually presents an opportunity for good lessons in media education. High schoolers should know that TV news is not really a picture of what is happening. It is a created picture that is shaped by the choice of stories and has a bias toward stories that lend themselves to pictures.

       — Dr. David Walsh, president, National Institute on Media and the Family

        Q: At what age is it appropriate to have a sleepover?

        A: Determining readiness has more to do with the child's maturity and lack of separations issues than age. Often, by age 8, children are ready to spend the night at a friend's house, and by age 10 they are ready to attend a slumber party. Parents want to follow the child's lead on these by asking themselves the following questions:

        • Does my child have any sleeping problems like bed-wetting, nightmares or night terrors or waking often at night and needing help going back to sleep?

        • Does my child still miss me when separated, especially in the evening or near bedtime?

        • Is my child expressing an interest and readiness for an overnight visit?

        • How well do I know the other adults where my child will be staying? Will they be responsive and reassuring? Does my child feel secure with them? Do I know how they will handle a problem? (Decide this ahead of time with the adults).

        To prepare for the first few sleepovers, have a backup plan for how a child's insecurity will be handled. Are you willing to pick them up? Only before a certain time of night (not in the middle of the night)? Is there any security object or routine the child can use (like calling home before bedtime) to help the transition go smoother? Start with one night before having the child be gone over a weekend or week.

        — Jody Johnston Pawel, licensed social worker and Certified Family Educator from Springboro; author of The Parent's Toolshop: The Universal Blueprint for Building a Healthy Family (Ambris; $24.95)

       Q: At what age can my child cross the street alone?

A: In general, children 10 and over are able to cross the street safely by themselves. Children under the age of 10 should only cross the street under the supervision of an adult. Children ages 5 to 9 are at greatest risk for pedestrian death and injury. These children tend to think they are more independent than they are. Developmentally, they do not have the skills to make decisions about traffic patterns and do not clearly perceive danger.

       — National SAFE KIDS Campaign

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