Some years ago, I was teaching a class on assertiveness to a group of teen-agers with disabilities and asked each of them to come up with a real-life scenario to role-play. Shirley, who used a wheelchair, chose family gatherings at Christmas for her example.

        Everyone in her large family, she said, would gather at a tri-level home and would flow from room to room. Suddenly, she would find herself alone, while the chatter drifted from another room, three impossible steps down from her.

        We coached her to call out, “Hey, don't forget about me! I need a hand to join you!”

        The lesson holds an example that bears repeating, particularly as many of us approach family gatherings tonight and Monday, where one in five Americans will have a disability. Whether the one in five in your family has a visible or invisible disability, your effort toward inclusion can be the gift that will be long remembered and cherished.

Extend yourself

        Is there a family member who has had recent surgery or illness that makes mobility from one room to another more burdensome? Noticing that Aunt Martha is still sitting on the couch when almost everyone else has migrated to the kitchen might well mean that standing and walking is painful or difficult. Looking the other way might seem easier for the moment, but extending yourself a bit will make both of you feel richer.

        Grab a glass and sit with her for awhile. (Be sure to bring her a glass, too.) For some people with mobility difficulties, being in the thick of things is precisely what's needed most for a shot of Christmas spirit, so ask if she'd like to join the group in the other room and offer an arm for support.

        People with hearing impairments (anyone over the age of 22 might have one) will pick up more conversation if there is less background noise. In other words, keep the holiday music at a low volume and the TV off if family and friends are talking to one another.

        Family members with visual impairments may not see across the room that your favorite niece has just unwrapped a beautiful sweater. Make it a point to pass gifts around so everyone can see them, and to talk about the details of an admired photograph or artistic gift-wrap accomplishment.

        Kids and adults with a variety of invisible disabilities — learning disabilities, attention deficit disorder or traumatic brain injury — become disoriented in excessive activity. Try to incorporate focus in your family gathering whenever possible: Sing carols as a group, play a game, take the time to have loved ones open presents one person at a time.

Merrier for all

        The irony, of course, is that considering the needs of people with disabilities always winds up having benefits for everyone else as well. Just as a “wheelchair” curb cut is equally appreciated by parents with strollers, avid cyclists, and people with age-related mobility difficulties, so will adding structure and detail to your holiday party render the experience more fulfilling for all.

        Christmas is a smorgasbord of sights and sounds and fragrances and textures. No one can experience every single aspect 100 percent.

        It is also a time to celebrate the miracle of love and unity that family and friendship brings. By reaching out to those in our midst with physical or mental differences, expending the extra energy or time to see that all are included in the celebration, most of us find that we have given a gift to ourselves in the bargain.

        Cincinnati writer Deborah Kendrick is a nationally recognized advocate for people with disabilities. Write her at Cincinnati Enquirer, Tempo, 312 Elm St., Cincinnati 45202. E-mail:dkendrick@enquirer.com.

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