Sunday, December 24, 2000
Readers chime in on Jingle Bells
At our invitation, lyrics of popular tune are rewritten with a Cincinnati twist
The Bengals, traffic woes, the weather and the Pig Big Gig were the most popular inspirations for some Cincinnati-style lyrics to the tune of “Jingle Bells.”
What's going on here?
In November, we invited readers to write our Christmas Eve cover story for us. (It worked in July when we turned the Tempo centerpiece over to readers for an entire week.)
We called the assignment “I write the songs” with these instructions: Create a Cincinnati-style lyric for the tune “Jingle Bells.”
Here are highlights. Now, start humming . . .
Bengal Bells
A brand-new Bengal year
With a brand-new place to play
Strikes a chord of fear
Every tax-pay-ing day
But those who win the games
Are all those other teams
'Cuz the Bengal's chances seem
like impossible dreams ... Ohhhh
(Chorus)
Mike Brown stays, taxpayer pays
For nothing but a scam
Oh, to have the good old days
when Paul Brown gave a damn ... Ohhhh
Just say no you gotta go
You're banished just like Marge
We should have used that sales-tax dough
For a great big gambling barge
(Repeat chorus)
— Mary Metz, Clifton
(Untitled)
Down in Cincinnati
On the Fountain Square
People all go batty
In the winter air.
They're here for Christmas shopping
With their kids in hand
They see the trains at Cinergy
And hear the Provident band.
(Chorus)
Christmas time, Christmas time
In dear old Cincy town
It's always been the greatest place
To go and hang around
Christmas time, Christmas time
The best time of the year
So come on down to Cincy town
And spread a little cheer.
The streets are all decorated
In the Christmas theme.
The kids are all elated
The Square is like a dream
The trees are all so pretty
With their sparkling lights
So before you start heading home
take in all the sights.
(Repeat chorus)
— R. Wm. Harrison, Cheviot
(Traditional)
Big Pig Gig
Big Pig Gig
Oinking all the way
Oh what fun we have each day
But not with slop or hay ... hey!
Big Pig Gig
Big Pig Gig
Oinking all the way
Oh what fun there's bound to be
With a pig for you and me!
— Michele Tillapaugh, Sharonville
Cincinnati Jingle Bells
Driving past the barrels,
on Fort Washington Way,
Through the traffic we go,
Cursing all the way.
The radio plays old tunes,
We stop to try to park,
Oh what fun it is to argue,
Over a single parking spot!
— Mark Schmidt and Becky Schmidt, Price Hill
A Cincinnati Jingle Bells
Stumbling through the snow
I try to start my car.
I can't get it to go,
I won't get very far.
I guess I wasn't ready,
I prob'ly should've known.
But after all just yesterday
The temp. was sixty-four.
Snow and sleet, sleet and snow
Winter's on its way
The best time in Cincinnati
is a winter day.
— Michelle Semancik, Anderson Township
The IOU Christmas Blues
Dashing through the store
With a three-wheeled shopping cart
Midst the checkout hordes,
I charge with all my heart.
Bells on registers ring
Making shoppers crass
Oh what fun it is to be
In debt up to my ... pre-approved credit limit.
Master Card! Visa too!
Discover's the way to buy.
Oh what fun it is to pay
For Christmas in July.
— Jane Biddinger, Fairfield
A Cincinnatian Holiday/Everyday Classic
Two-seventy five
Two-seventy five
backed up all the way;
three-car wreck on the Norwood Lateral
every single day. Hey!
Orange barrels
Orange barrels
blocking all the paths
And everyone's thinks that OPEC's why
we pay do much for gas.
Everywhere you go
it's always the same thing
45-minute delays
and constantly crews “working.”
And when one road gets cleared
another wreck, Oh fun!
I guess a construction crew's
work is never done.
— Sean Wabnitz, Loveland
Cincy Bells
A day or two ago,
I thought I'd step outside,
And soon construction man,
Was standing by my side.
He travels here and there
Spreading his orange cheer
And then when he is done
He goes home and drinks a beer!
Oh!
Flagging man, flagging man,
Won't you let me pass?
I slept in, now I'm late
I've got to get to class.
Bulldozers in my way,
And a pig that flies,
Maybe I can stop and get
Some Gold Star Chili fries!
— Julie Muething, New Richmond
Cincinnati Jingle
Dashing through the snow
I see the lights shine through
Through downtown we go
Seeing something new
Fountain Square is bright
The pigs have flown away
But something new in my sight
Is seen along the way.
Oh . . .
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Lights at every store
Santa Claus sits right next to
A bag with something more.
Chili's great. Ice cream, too.
Graeter's and Skyline
Polar bears at the zoo
Are favorites of mine.
Oh . . .
Jingle bells, jingle bells
Wreaths on every door
Cincinnati's great to see
And you'll see even more!
— Tricia Hart, Anderson Township
(Untitled)
Rushing a few yards
Then the ball is taken away
The crowd just moans and groans
Don't these guys want to play?
We've kept on coming back
Year after losing year
If something doesn't change real soon
We all might disappear
(Chorus):
Bengals stink, Bengals stink
Another year down the tubes
We keep on paying out the bucks
What a big bunch of rubes!
Mike's a dolt, we should revolt
And run him out of town
And build a team that wants to win
And score a few touchdowns!
— Mary Imfeld, Mason
(Untitled)
Man I dig,
The Big Pig Gig
Junior's here to stay
What's with the construction
On Fort Washington Way?
Akili's out,
We still have doubt
That we can win a game.
Paul Brown's rollin' in his grave
To have the stadium renamed.
— Randy Staviski, Covington
Cincy Bells
Baseballs from Cinergy are flying
As far as you can see
No longer are fans crying
'Cause now we have Ken Griffey (Jr.)
Millennium Bell, Millennium Bell
Ringing freedom all the way
Soon we'll have the Freedom Center
Near Fort Washington Way — Hey
The Festival of Lights
At the Cincinnati Zoo
Will make our holidays bright
The Flying Pigs will, too.
Oh Cincy Bells, Cincy Bells
Cincy all the way
Oh, what fun it is to ride
On a Metro Bus today — hey
— Michael J. Meyer, White Oak
Readers chime in on Jingle Bells
He brings cheer in the chill
DAUGHERTY: Christmas memories made of people, not gifts
May Festival hits high note
DEMALINE: Holiday wish list for region's arts
KENDRICK: Holidays merrier when accessible for all
Get to it
