“These are supposed to be stupid questions, not sick questions,” croaked Dave Oehler, head of the zoo's aviculture department.

        Alka-Seltzer, he says, is sodium bicarbonate, and in low doses can be therapeutic for ailing birds. “But you have to start slowly and give them very little,” he says. “Too much at once causes vomiting and death.”

        What an overdose does once it gets in the bird's tummy — or a human tummy for that matter — is cause alkaline burns. “It begins to bubble up when it comes in contact with stomach fluids. When that happens, it can cause tissue damage that hurts more than the upset stomach you were trying to cure.

        “It would be worse with birds, especially if they were in flight. But explode? That's a new one on me.”

        If you have a stupid question, send it to Ask a Stupid Question, Cincinnati Enquirer, 312 Elm St., Cincinnati OH 45202; fax: (513) 768-8330.

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