According to a VH-1 survey, “Yesterday,” “Like a Rolling Stone,” “When Doves Cry” and “What's Going On?” are among the best rock songs ever recorded.

        OK, fine, but what about “Naughty, Naughty” by John Parr? What about “Disco Duck” by Rick Dees? Whither “Tie a Yellow Ribbon” by Tony Orlando, “Don't Give Up on Us, Baby” by David (Hutch) Soul, and “Me and You and a Dog Named Boo” by Lobo?

50 WORST SONGS

Sorry if we offend you because you like one or more, but most online lists include ...   • “MacArthur Park” by Richard Harris   • “Seasons in the Sun” by Terry Jacks   • “Honey” by Bobby Goldsboro   • “I Write the Songs” by Barry Manilow   • “You're Having My Baby” by Paul Anka   • “I Am Woman” by Helen Reddy   • “You Light up My Life” by Debbie Boone   • “Tie a Yellow Ribbon ('Round the Old Oak Tree) by Tony Orlando and Dawn   • “Feelings” by Morris Albert   • “Muskrat Love” by Captain & Tennille   • “Candy Man” by Sammy Davis, Jr.   • “Me and You and a Dog Named Boo” by Lobo   • “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go” by Wham   • “Ghostbusters” by Ray Parker Jr.   • “I've Never Been to Me” by Charlene   • “Disco Duck” by Rick Dees   • “Butterfly Kisses” by Bob Carlisle   • “Billy, Don't Be a Hero” by Bo Donaldson and the Heywoods   • “Mickey” by Tony Basil   • “Rock Me, Amadeus” by Falco   • “Watching Scotty Grow” by Bobby Goldsboro   • “Mr. Roboto” by Styx   • “Indiana Wants Me” by Dean Taylor   • “Barbie Girl” by Aqua   • “Playground in My Mind” by Clint Holmes   • “I'm Too Sexy” by Right Fred Said   • “All By Myself” by Eric Carman   • “Morning Train” by Sheena Easton   • “Physical” by Olivia Newton John   • “Curly Shuffle” by Jump in the Saddle   • “Get Out of My Dreams, Get into My Car” by Billy Ocean   • “Sussudio” by Phil Collins   • “Baby, Don't Get Hooked on Me” by Mac Davis   • “Don't Cry Out Loud,” by Melissa Manchester   • “Alone Again, Naturally” by Gilbert O'Sullivan   • “Afternoon Delight” by Starland Vocal Band   • “Achy Breaky Heart” by Billy Ray Cyrus   • “Respect Yourself” by Bruce Willis   • “I'd Do Anything for Love” by Meat Loaf   • “Sunshine, Lollipops and Rainbows” by Leslie Gore   • “Lucy in the Sky With Diamonds” by William Shatner   • “Party All the Time” by Eddie Murphy   • “Never Gonna Give You Up” by Rick Astley   • “In the Year 2525” by Zager and Stevens   • “Heartlight” by Neil Diamond   • “Sweet Pea” by Tommy Roe   • “Little Willie” by Sweet   • “Mmmbop” by Hanson   • “Wannabe” by the Spice Girls   • “Love in an Elevator” by Aerosmith

        Well, you're more likely to find those tunes on another list — any one of several unofficial online compilations of the all-time worst tunes of the rock 'n' roll era.

        Selecting the best songs is a relatively easy task; there aren't that many really good ones to choose from. Picking the worst from the thousands of “Honeys,” “Mandys,” “Mmmbops” and “Butterfly Kisses” that have assaulted the airwaves in the past four to five decades is a much tougher task.
        WEBN air personality Jay Gilbert, whose radio experience goes back to 1969, has heard more than his share of bad music. Most never made it beyond cult status, such as the criminally inept rock of the Shags, a band of untalented sisters put together in the late '60s by their deluded dad. They made, says Mr. Gilbert, “the worst music ever recorded by human beings.”

        But his all-time un-favorite hit is “Run, Joey, Run,” by David Geddes, No. 4 on the charts in September 1975.

        “It's about a teen-age couple,” he says with audible revulsion. “The father of the girl hates Joey and he finds out they've, quote-unquote, "been together,' and goes after him with a gun. And the hook is, "Run Joey run, 'cause Dad's after you with a gun.' The song ends with both the girl and Dad finding Joey. Dad shoots just as she runs in front of him and she dies, singing the chorus slower and fainter.

        For Mr. O'Brien, inane lyrics and unoriginal music distinguish most of the tunes he truly loathes.

        “Anything from the Frankie Avalon days was bad, that "Beach Blanket Bingo' crap,” he says. “Say what you want about the Beatles, at least they rescued us from Frankie Avalon. And Frankie Valli for that matter.”

Tall stack of losers

        “I was music director for many years at many stations and I can tell you that your pile of bad stuff was always three times as big as your good stuff,” says disc jockey Danny O'Brien of “Cool 101 FM” in Waterford, Conn.

        For Mr. O'Brien, the all-time stinker single is “Seasons in the Sun” by Terry Jacks, a 1974 smash in which a dying man sings sappy goodbyes to his “trusted friend,” his “papa,” and “Michelle, (his) little one,” reminding each of them, “We had joy, we had fun, we had seasons in the sun.”

        “Inane drivel. I want to vomit every time I hear it,” Mr. O'Brien says. “I hated the song when it came out and I hate it even more as I get older. I seriously question the sanity of anyone who bought that record.”

        Actually, a whole lot of people (including this writer's mom) were insane enough to buy that record, which spent weeks at the top of the Billboard magazine pop chart. In fact, the majority of songs on most all-time worst lists were huge, huge hits, and many were recorded by “respected” artists.

        Dan Curland, owner of Mystic Disc in Mystic, Conn., ranks Chicago's monotonous monster hit “Color My World” among his most irritating tunes.

        “If I hear that stupid piano lick one more time I think I'll scream,” Mr. Curland says. “It's got to be the most atrocious song ever. And "Spinning Wheel' by Blood, Sweat and Tears. That's another horrible one that drives me into a total rage whenever I hear it. Horrible song.”

        Naturally, opinions vary widely as to what constitutes a “bad” song.

        Some would argue that many of the tunes up for Grammy Awards this year are pretty bad, and they'd be right. Let us not forget the Grammys never gave Bob Dylan an award before 1998, selected Lionel Richie for an honor over Prince and Bruce Springsteen, and deemed Milli (“We Can't Even Sing”) Vanilli the “Best New Artists” of 1989.

        Humorist Dave Barry singles out the falsetto-voiced Valli for scorn in his The Book of Bad Songs, particularly the hit “Walk Like a Man” (“sing like a man, Frankie!”).

Enough already

        While some might argue over the musical merits of Mr. Valli, Chicago and Blood, Sweat and Tears, there are certain artists whose work seems to elicit almost universal disdain across a broad spectrum of society.

        “Anything by Michael Bolton (is bad), and I mean anything,” says Mr. Curland. “Did he somehow feel that Percy Sledge's "When a Man Loves a Woman' needed to be done again because it wasn't done right the first time?”

        Mr. Bolton is just one in a long line of highly successful but widely despised pop stars notorious for “bad” songs.

        Others include Barry Manilow, Mac Davis, Yoko Ono, John Denver, Neil Diamond and — perhaps most notoriously — Bobby Goldsboro. His hits include the weepy death ballad “Honey” (which, in one verse, rhymes “what the heck” with “hugged my neck”), and the even more maudlin “Watching Scotty Grow.”

        Both Goldsboro tunes frequently show up on all-time worst lists. Others that do include “You Light Up My Life” by Debbie Boone (one of the best-selling singles of all time), “Muskrat Love” by Captain & Tennille, “You're Having My Baby” by Paul Anka, “I Write the Songs” by Manilow, and “Feelings” (“woh-woh-woh feeeelings!”) by Morris Albert.

        And, of course, who could forget the contributions of Helen Reddy, Vanilla Ice, Tiffany, Taco or Charlene, whose nauseating '70's paean to the women's movement, “I've Never Been to Me,” was so sappy and sophomoric it made Ms. Reddy's “I Am Woman” sound like “A Day in the Life.”

        The Charlene song is a particular pain in the ears to this writer. But so are the cliche riddled “Here I Go Again On My Own” by Whitesnake, the out-of-tune Tiffany remake of “I Think We're Alone Now,” and “Dr. Feelgood” (or anything else) by the utterly musically hopeless Motley Crue.

        Numerous pollsters and pop critics agree that the supreme king of cruddy singles is the truly bizarre “MacArthur Park” by British over-actor Richard Harris.

        Looking ahead, Mr. Gilbert nominates last year's hit by the Baha Men, “Who Let the Dogs Out” as a 21st century awful oldie.

        “That'll be one that in 20 years, it'll be like denying you were a Nazi. "I never bought that; I never listened to that.' ”

        Enquirer pop music critic Larry Nager contributed to this report.

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