Friday, April 06, 2001
Augusta dos and don'ts
By Paul Daugherty
The Cincinnati Enquirer
AUGUSTA, Ga. — Decorum is big at the Masters. If you don't adhere to it, you might not be asked back. Masters “patrons” are “the most knowledgeable and considerate in the world,” according to tournament founder and patron saint, Bobby Jones.
They don't suffer fools at Augusta. To keep you correct, here's a list of don't-do's, patron. It may help you stick around:
1. Don't make animal noises during Tiger Woods' backswing. Nobody is Da Man here. Ever.
2. Don't applaud when Ian Woosnam stiffs a tee shot off a dogwood.
3. Don't bring a cellular telephone and say, “Dude, I'm at the Masters!” when Jack Nicklaus is lining up a 5-footer.
4. Don't stand in the parking lot, yelling: “Get your Masters badge here. Five hundred bucks!” The club has more security than the Pentagon.
5. Don't arrive with a thin wallet and $20 in the checking account, thinking, “I'll just pick up a few things for my buddies.”
6. Don't suggest to your friends, “Hey, let's see if we can sprint from the first tee to Amen Corner!” Running “is considered to be unacceptable behavior,” sayeth Bob Jones.
7. Don't ask when Sunday services are at Amen Corner.
8. Don't stand beside the 13th fairway, look across at the horticulture and wonder, “What are all those little green bushes with the flowers on them?”
9. Don't ask a man in a green jacket for a loan. Don't ask a man in a green jacket anything. There are only 300 members at Augusta National. Bill Gates is not one of them. Neither are you.
10. Don't say: “This place is beautiful. Why don't they play this tournament here every year?”
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Augusta dos and don'ts