We're bombarded with noise from all sides, including the inside. That's especially true on a holiday weekend when we're joining our friends and families — and all their kids — for cookouts.

        Half of having a conversation is talking. The other half is listening.

        That's why learning to listen takes more than memorizing a few gestures and choice phrases. To listen well, you've got to shift from egocentricity to empathy, says Rebecca Z. Shafir, author of The Zen of Listening (Quest Books; $23.95).

        Start by avoiding these self-centered listening stoppers:

        Interrogation: “Questions that attack, criticize or make assumptions come across to the listener as punitive,” Ms. Shafir says. Ask questions to better understand the speaker's views, not to fulfill your own agenda or manipulate the conversation.

        Advice giving: Give advice only when asked.

        Psychoanalysis: Regardless of the profundity of your insights, this comes across as an invasion of privacy.

        Denial: Be careful not to discount or reject another person's perceptions with phrases such as “It can't be that bad” or “You're making too big a deal out of this.”

        Instead, try some of these listening encouragers:

        Silence: This is one of the most powerful response modes, Ms. Shafir says. But beware of negative silence, accompanied by fidgeting, breaking of eye contact or withdrawal of attention.

        Reassurance: Offer sincere supportive statements delivered in a warm tone with a simple gesture.

        Paraphrasing: This response not only shows you've understood, but it encourages the speaker to reflect on his or her comments.

'Action Auction' troubled by delay
Korean War survivor thanks brave saviors
Ask A Stupid Question
Stage First falters with Ibsen's 'Builder'
Get to It
Fit Bits
Self-centered people aren't really listening