Naming rights just baffle me. Delta Air Lines has famously promised to pay $30 million for the privilege of naming a new convention facility. If the Delta Air Lines Hugely Expanded and Therefore Enormously Valuable Convention Center ever comes to pass, will we love them more? Fly more?

        “Hey, pass the peanuts. I don't mind paying a contemptibly inflated price for my ticket. Those guys are the ones who put a roof over the heads of the visiting members of the National Association of Retention Knob Workers.”

The fleece factor

        ; Are people in Washington more likely to trust FedEx with packages because the company paid $205 million to name the Redskins' stadium? How about Turfway's blessedly brief Gallery Furniture.com Stakes? “They're in the homestretch. My horse is last and limping. That reminds me, Gladys. We could use a new ottoman.”

        An energy company (which will remain nameless because I have not seen one penny of their money or a single free kilowatt hour) coughed up $100 million to name the Houston Astros' new ballpark.

        The Bengals paid Hamilton County $5 million for the privilege of naming Paul Brown Stadium after the team's founder. Of course, they have been extraordinarily lucky in negotiating economical (for them) deals with the county.

        Great American Insurance Co. paid $75 million to tag the Reds' new ballpark. Cinergy Corp. paid $6 million in 1996 to remove the Riverfront Stadium signs. I'm not complaining. If sports teams don't get money from corporate moneybags, they have a habit of fleecing taxpayers.

        Maybe it's good business, maybe it's just an expensive chance to wear a white hat. Procter & Gamble Hall at the Aronoff Center. The Boeing Flight to Freedom Story Center in the Underground Railroad Freedom Center. I'm grateful for every dollar spent that doesn't come out of my pocket. At least not so directly that I can feel it. I just can't see how it works.

Irresistible sales pitch

        But during a driving rain last week, I think I may have gotten a glimmer. I passed a man in a navy blue jumpsuit, down on one knee, changing a tire. He was the ARTIMIS-CVS Pharmacy Good Guy. You've probably seen his van.

        A couple of days later, Ali Sylvester, 21, a student at Cincinnati State College, had a chance to see it up close after a fender-bender during rush hour on I-71. “He appeared out of nowhere,” she says, “cleaned up the glass and blocked traffic so we could get to the shoulder.”

        She thinks next time she needs to buy something from a drugstore, she'll go to CVS. Her mother, Mary Jo Sylvester, said the same thing. “Those vans are a blessing.”

        Since 1992, five of these vans have logged more than a million miles in Greater Cincinnati and Northern Kentucky, assisting more than 50,000 motorists. The drivers, all trained EMTs and mechanics, have changed flat tires and fan belts and filters and hoses. They've jump-started and fueled. Free of charge. And in a most visible way.

        ARTIMIS, the Advanced Regional Traffic Interactive Management & Information System, funded by the Ohio Department of Transportation and the Kentucky Transportation Cabinet, pays for 51 percent. CVS pays the rest. It costs about $145,000 per van per year.

        Seems like a bargain.

        E-mail lpulfer@enquirer.com. Past columns at Enquirer.com/columns/pulfer.

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