Oh, so this is the thanks he gets. Cincinnati surgeon Dr. Henry Heimlich spends a lifetime developing procedures that have saved zillions of lives, and what comes of it?

        They name a hideous hospital after him.

Heimlich

        But at least it's only a fictional one. Heimlich Hospital, see, is the setting for the latest adventures of the Baudelaire orphans, heroes of Lemony Snicket's best-selling A Series of Unfortunate Events books. Hostile Hospital (HarperCollins; $9.95) is No. 8 in the series.

        Unfortunate is the kids' series (10 and older, but adults read them all the time) where orphans Violet, Klaus and Sunny Baudelaire — their parents died in a fire in the first book — bounce from guardian to guardian, none of them too good, as they drift through a nasty world full of black humor, irreverence and horrible happenings.

        In Hostile, they find themselves trapped in a hospital, running into unnecessary surgery, anesthesia run amok, a startling fire and heaven only knows how many alarming encounters.

        Right. So what does the goodly Dr. Heimlich think about his namesake?

        Laughed like crazy when we delivered the news. Like, really deep, roaring belly laughter to the point where we worried he was going to need his maneuver any second.

        When he finally calmed down and caught his breath, he said, “Holy smokes. I've been accused of a lot of things, but never running a hospital like that.”

        So is he going to rush out and buy the book? “Buy it? They better send me one. What's that author's name again? Lemony Snicket? That's worse than Heimlich.” More laughing.

        “Hmmm, HarperCollins is (wife) Jane's publisher. What does that mean? I'm sure they know the name up there.”

        The book, billed by its publisher as “the most sickening book of the season,” is due this month.

        It's a go: Meanwhile, off in the murky world of mole intrigue, Cincinnati Mole contestant Kate Pahls has finally heard from the West Coast.

        Pahls, recall, sent Mole production house Stone Stanley a Mole home game invented by Winton Woods Middle School teacher Jeff Merrill. That was way the heck back in early summer. The game and Pahls' business plan wound up with David Decker, head of legal, and stalled there while the summer dragged on. Dead silence from the coast.

        “I finally got a response,” she says, “and they are saying a qualified "Yes.' Apparently the materials I faxed hadn't clearly shown the role of the person acting as the mole,” so there's a bit of refining to be done.

        “But they are encouraging — he really used that word — me to continue and refine the project, at which point they would actually endorse it.”

        When the game finally comes out, Pahls will be the one associated with it, but teacher Merrill won't lose out. “I'll work it out with Jeff, so he gets all that is due him from the idea,” she says.
       Contact Jim Knippenberg by phone: 768-8513; fax: 768-8330; e-mail: knipenquirer@yahoo.com.

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