If you are part of a two-parent or two-partner family, imagine for a moment that your mate is gone.

        Divorced, deceased, departed — doesn't matter. Just gone.

        Imagine that you must continue doing all you do for your child or children, plus whatever your partner did.

        If he ran the kids to their sports practices, now you'll be the shuttle driver. If she packed their lunch boxes, now you'll need to remember the milk tickets.

        If he made a killer Sunday casserole the kids loved, get out your recipe book. If she handled the bedtime routine, say goodbye to least an hour of downtime each evening.

        You will be both mom and dad, morning and night, every day, all day — until the kids move out or you find a partner to replace the one you lost.

        You won't be truly alone, of course — if you count the 12 million other parents similarly burdened. That's the number of parents without partners as of 2000, the Census Bureau reported earlier this year.

        That's how many rouse their children in the dark and ready them for school, pick them up and oversee their homework, fix their meals and their toys and their feelings, chase them into the tub, into bed and off to sleep — with no one to share the load.

        That's how many have few choices when they need an hour for a trip to the doctor or a stop at the bank or just a respite from the constant demands of parenting.

        That's the 10 million women and 2 million men — together parenting more than 19 million children — and going it alone.

        I have a cousin who is among those 12 million. Her marriage ended with the arrival of her now 6-year-old son. She's been flying solo pretty much since then, raising a thoughtful, bright and funny child.

        Her greatest challenge: Being on duty 24/7, with only an occasional Good Samaritan to spell her.

        I have two sisters also starring as “dual parents.” With husbands away from home for work much of the time, they're moms all the time and dads part of the time, too.

        Of the other moms and dads I know raising children alone, none would have chosen the title of single parent. Out of necessity, they shed their pride and turn to former spouses or their own parents to help out. “I just can't do it alone,” one single friend said.

        I, thankfully, have it lucky. Friends with less-involved or less-available spouses tell me so all the time. My husband comes home at dinner time, sticks around on weekends, pulls his weight as our children's father.

        When I need a break from parenting — whether for convenience in running errands or renewal of heart and mind — he's there to pick up the routine. When in the throes of parenting — bathing a screaming, overtired 3-year-old, redirecting a teasing 5-year-old, settling an overexcited 7-year-old — he steps in when I reach my fill of frustration. I do the same for him; we are each other's Good Samaritan.

        Some parents who go it alone are, I'm sure, coping well. They include the Rosie O'Donnells and Jodie Fosters and Calista Flockharts of the single-parent population, with the resources to hire help to make it work.

        In the non-celebrity world, single moms and dads with safety nets probably do OK, too, with friends and family who can stand in as surrogate moms or dads when they've run out of steam to stand themselves.

        But the longer I'm a parent, the more convinced I become that Dan Quayle wasn't too far off the mark when he chided TV's Murphy Brown for glamourizing single parenthood. It may be trendy, but it's only glamorous on TV or movie screens.

        If you are one of two adults in your home, imagine for a moment that he or she is gone and you are suddenly among the 12 million parents without partners.

        Then thank the person with whom you share parenting. And think about lending a hand to someone without someone to thank. A casserole might be a place to start.

        Contact Patricia Gallagher Newberry at newgal@one.net

Finding whimsy in Waynesville
Rest home chaplain remembers the little things
Steps can assure your mail is safe
KIESEWETTER: Television
Teaching kids not to hate
Parents shouldn't be too helpful with homework
Imagine trying to do it all as the only parent
Get to it