Friday, December 21, 2001
Author plays 'Dear Abby' to help with holiday challenge
By Shauna Scott Rhone
The Cincinnati Enquirer
In this season of sharing, caring and good times, there's no place like home. But sometimes, the Norman Rockwell image of a harmonious family smiling through the season is far from the real thing.
So as a gift to readers, The Enquirer enlisted relationships writer Christine Klein, author of the new book The Simpler Family (Robins Lane Press; $16.95), to play a Cincinnati-style Dear Abby. Her advice helps three Tristate families ease through those uncomfortably close encounters of the family kind.
Question: We have a small family; it's my parents, me and my sister and our families. She has a 15-month-old baby and I have two children, ages 8 and 10.
For years, our Christmas tradition is for everyone to come to our house on Christmas Eve and open presents. This year, my sister wants to do her own Christmas Eve at home with her new family. Then she and her family will come to my house on Christmas Day and open their presents before dinner.
Grandma died this year, so this will be a difficult time. I don't want to go to my sister's house and want to continue the tradition at my house. What should we do? Baffled in Bevis
Answer: Breaking with tradition is never easy, but it is understandable that new families want to start traditions of their own.
What a wonderful opportunity for you and your parents to begin a new Christmas Eve tradition. You could visit one of Greater Cincinnati's many holiday displays; find an opportunity to volunteer in your area; or stay home and play charades.
Are there neighbors or friends who would welcome the chance to join you? Plan something new and different. Reserve presents for a joyous family gathering on Christmas Day.
Q: I've been part of a blended family for the last 19 years. My brother and I live in Northern Kentucky. Both my parents, who live in Dayton, have remarried. With all these branches of my family tree, you can imagine what a big deal Christmas will be.
If I decide to spend Christmas with my mother, would it be a slap in the face to my father and stepmother? Or should I create some sort of schedule and parcel out time for each group of relatives?
Last year, I opened my doors on Christmas Eve and invited everyone to my house. However, with the recent loss of one of my grandmothers, my mom is pressuring me to go to church on Christmas Eve with my surviving grandmother. I want to visit at the same time as my brother, who's also in a committed relationship, but I don't know if that's possible.
To further complicate things, my boyfriend, whose parents have also split, lives in Louisville. We haven't even begun discussions on how to weave visits with his families. And I have a group of friends coming home to Columbus I want to spend time with, too. Any suggestions on how to make the holidays hassle-free? Anxious in Erlanger
A: How fortunate to have so many friends and family with whom to celebrate. Too much traveling in a single day can make anyone cranky instead of cheery, so don't try to do it all.
First, decide what is most important. If visiting your mom, dad and grandmother tops your list, reserve Christmas Day for them since they are all in the same city. If that's the case, then be kind to yourself by planning a quiet Christmas Eve at home with your boyfriend.
Some families find it best to gather on an alternate day other than the 25th when everyone is more available. Hopefully this will be the case with your boyfriend's family. If not, he may choose to spend the 25th with his family while you are with yours. Reserve New Year's Eve, or the days just before or after Christmas for your out-of-town friends.
Whatever you decide, keep it simple, remembering the reason for the season.
Q: My husband's 8-year-old nephew always complains about the presents we give him. He only wants video games, but we can't spend that much money. Every year, he pouts and ruins Christmas. His parents never say anything to him. Should I? Sizzling in Sycamore
A: Children should be taught to appreciate and give thanks for every gift, no matter how small. But the teaching should come from the parent, not you. Before purchasing a gift, call the boy and ask him what he'd like. If his recommendations are not in line with your budget, let him know. If together you can't come up with a suitable, reasonably priced gift, get a gift certificate. Toys 'R Us will issue one in any denomination. Then you'll have the satisfaction of knowing his mom or dad will be faced with the agonizing task of taking an eight-year-old shopping.
Tips for beating holiday stress
Donations trail last year's record pace
Symphony brings holiday spirit home
Train displays, rides seasonal fun
Bradys move into the White House
Marriages made strong by rituals
Author plays 'Dear Abby' to help with holiday challenge
Savvy kids know all about Santa
Tips steer singles into new year