The stretch between Thanksgiving and Valentine's Day can mark a long and lonely season for many individuals, including some of the 100 million single adults in the United States. Coupled with the lack of someone special to turn to during and after the Sept. 11 crisis, many singles feel out of place during this time of togetherness.

        “Holidays provide opportunities for reflection about the growth and personal progress we've made in the last year,” saysNeil Clark Warren, relations pyschologist and author of How to Know If Someone Is Worth Pursuing in Two Dates or Less (Thomas Nelson Publishing; $10.99) and founder of eharmony.com, an online relationship-building site.

        “Singles, surrounded by happy couples and loving families during holiday gatherings, may feel as though they've failed to live up to their own expectations with regard to finding and forming a loving romantic relationship,” says Dr. Warren. “These feelings of frustration and anxiety are only amplified by events of Sept. 11, which has also caused many to evaluate their relationship status.”

        Dr. Warren and eharmony.comoffer a short list of suggestions to help individuals deal with stress and feelings of isolation brought on by the holiday season and compounded by recent events:

        • Focus on the needs of others. Make a genuine attempt to help them with their problems. It's a time-tested truth that when you help other people, you feel significantly better about yourself.

        • Focus on the positive in your life rather than what is missing. When you are in a spirit of appreciation, life takes on a brighter hue and your positive response will help lift your spirits.

        • Forget the past and look forward to what lies ahead. Forgiveness is the key to freedom from the past; hopefulness is the key to maximizing the future. Stop thinking about this year's disappointments; set your mind on 2002.

        • Spend time with people who love generously, listen carefully and take you seriously. Select your companions on the basis of their unselfishness, and draw strength and assurance from those around you.

        • Set goals to reach your potential in the New Year. Make a list of your positive attributes and design a strategy for maximizing them.

        • Focus on the meaning of the holidays. Explore the depths of giving, of unselfishness, of hope, of getting a hold of the future. Determine to make this season a launching pad from which your life will be propelled to a significant new level of contentment and anticipation.

        “We have experienced record numbers of users to our site in the last few months, indicating that many singles across the country are seeking long-term, committed relationships,” Dr. Warren said. “This holiday season can be a time to explore one's life and make positive changes.”

        Whether online or on the street, a positive attitude attracts positive people into your life. How you treat yourself is how others will treat you. Take the best of this year and make the new year even better.

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