Sunday, January 13, 2002

Some memorable Twain quotes

        Advertising: “Many a small thing has been made large by the right kind of advertising.”

        Afterlife: “I am silent on the subject because of necessity. I have friends in both places.”

        Age: “Life would be infinitely happier if we could only be born at the age of 80, and gradually approach 18.”

        Congress: “Suppose you were an idiot. And suppose you were a member of Congress. But I repeat myself.”

        Creation: “I believe our Heavenly Father invented man because he was disappointed in the monkey.”

        Goodness: “To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler still, and no trouble.”

        Literature: “My works are like water. The works of the great masters are like wine. But everyone drinks water.”

        Memory: “When I was younger, I could remember anything, whether it had happened or not; but my faculties are decaying now and soon I shall be so I cannot remember any but the things that never happened.”

        Modesty: “I was born modest; not all over, but in spots.”

        Politicians: “It could probably be shown by facts and figures that there is no distinctly native American criminal class except Congress.”

        Prosperity: “Only he who has seen better days, and lives to see better days again, knows their full value.”

        School boards: “First God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.”

        Smoking: “As an example to others, and not that I care for moderation myself, it has always been my rule never to smoke when asleep and never to refrain when awake.”

        Tariffs: “I don't know of a single foreign product that enters this country untaxed, except the answer to prayer.”

        Truth: “Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.”

        Washington, D.C.: “There is something good and motherly about Washington, the grand old benevolent National Asylum for the helpless.”

        Words: “The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.”


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