Monday, January 21, 2002

In My Life

A first-rate example of a bad first date

By Jami Yearion
Enquirer contributor

        Being 23, I have had my share of first dates. Some good, some bad, some memorable. However, a recent first date was in a class all its own — one with just a few dating no-no's.

img Jami Yearion, 23, Finneytown, is a senior at the University of Cincinnati, majoring in communications.
        I met my date, through a friend, at a bar. My personal dating no-no is to not date a guy I meet at a bar. But I met him through a friend; he seemed down to earth.

        To understand the breadth of my encounter, I am going to judge the date on a 100-point scale. He started with 100.

        He called me the day after we met, and we made plans to go to dinner. I suggested an Italian place in Montgomery, but he insisted a place on Short Vine had good Italian food. I met him there, and after walking into the restaurant/bar, I giggled that this was his choice for a first date (-10, 90 points). But I stifled my disappointment, as we ate at the bar (-5, 85).

        He behaved like a gentleman. Conversation was going smoothly. We had a lot in common. After dinner, he wanted me to meet a friend who owned a shop across the street.

        Being on Short Vine, I assumed it would be a tattoo parlor. But no. He took me to a porn shop (-25, 60).

        My eyes became best friends with the ceramic tile floor. I could not help but notice that all of the clerks knew my date on a first-name basis. (-20, 40)

        I was overcome by the humor in this, yet I had to give him credit for not hiding anything from me, or being embarrassed (+10, 50). Then, he pointed out the videos that he liked to rent, and told me about some of the “artifacts” in the store. (-10, back to 40).

        Let me remind you, this is a true story.

        Finally, we left. I gave him credit for being out of the ordinary (+15, 55) and decided to try to make the most of this night.

        Sitting at the next bar, he showed off his hidden piercing. Remember how I gave him points for not hiding anything from me? I take it back, subtracting extra points for being inappropriate (-25, 30).

        After the depth of conversation so far, I felt that it was up to me to talk about something more intellectual.

        I'm in college. He's a Bearcat grad (+40, 70). Maybe he could give me pointers on finding a job after graduation.

        He told me about the job that paid for his college. He and a few fraternity buddies worked for an escort service! (-25, 45)

        Again, I have only known this guy for one day. He's telling me way more than I need to know.

        Oh, but there's more.

        Now sensing disapproval, he reassured me that he did not sleep with all the women he escorted — only about 60 (-60, -25 points).

        There's no point to a point system now, is there?

        I was so flabbergasted that I burst out laughing. I was expecting Candid Camera to jump out.

        In all fairness, I did respect his honesty. But, with all of those no-no's, I don't believe that I could say yes to a second date.

        Share recent moments in your life: Fax: In My Life, 768-8330; e-mail:


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