They get married every Saturday, these feisty Italian kids. Then throw a raucous wedding reception for 170 strangers.

        Referring here to Joey & Maria's Italian Wedding, an interactive, frequently ad-libbed evening (like Broadway's Tony & Tina's Wedding)mirroring a rowdy wedding reception — free-flowing bar, sprawling buffet, lots of table hopping, lots of family friction, lots of bad dancers, even, gasp, a chicken dance. The cast is the bridal party, guests are the audience.

Bill Laird and Susan Perrin star in Joey & Maria's Italian Wedding. (Brandi Stafford photo) | ZOOM |

        J&M has played every Saturday night on the Belle of Cincinnati since late November and — get this — sold out every show.

        Part of that is because it's just plumb fun watching someone else's dysfunctional family for a change.

        And part of it's because of the energetic couple leading the cast, running back and forth around the audience and interacting with the bridal party (Joey's interaction with Viola, his trashy ex-girlfriend with way too much bright red lipstick, is particularly tasty).

        Bill Laird, 22 of Anderson Township, is Joey. He's an Art Institute of Pittsburgh grad who studied videography but now wants to act full-time. Until the day comes, he'll continue waiting tables at Skyline. He's single and intends to stay that way for a while.

        Susan Perrin, 26, is a single mother from Blue Ash and a recent grad of Southern Ohio College. She, too, wants to act full-time, but until the day comes, she'll continue selling cosmetics at Lazarus.

        So what we need to do with these beaming beauties who keep getting married is separate them for a while, then ask each the same questions. Sort of a game of He Said, She Said.

He said:

        My advice to anyone planning a wedding . . .

        Don't let your father-in-law near it. He'll be cheap about everything and blame you.

IF YOU GO

Who: Bill Laird and Susan Perrin     What: Joey and Maria's Italian Wedding     When: Every Saturday, board at 6:30 p.m., sail at 7     Where: Belle of Cincinnati, Covington Landing     Tickets: $49.50 a person, includes dinner, cash bar     Information: (859) 261-8500; reservations a must    There's more: No gifts, please. But if you do, they already have far too many toasters.

        For me, the high point of the show . . .

        Is the part where I get to kiss all the good looking women. The guests, bridesmaids, audience, sometimes servers.

        The best audiences are . . .

        The drunk ones. They're more likely to dance and get into the spirit of the thing. The other night, we had to hold the show because somebody forgot his tux. The audience got a little loaded and it was the best ever.

        One thing I could do better . . .

        Oh, there are so many. Probably it would be talking to more than one person at a time. Sometimes I mingle with the audience and all of a sudden realize I've been talking to the same person 15 minutes.

        After Joey and Maria, my next goal . . .

        Nothing I want everyone to know about. Maybe go back to school. I could really go on acting forever. Maybe i'll get a degree in acting and journalism.

        I'm constantly amazed at . . .

        Viola (Jamie Ryan, the floozy he jilted for Maria). She's absolutely phenomenal. As far as I know, she just came out of left field with no acting experience. It's hard to work a room when she's there because she's larger than life. And so trashy.

        After shows, I unwind by . . .

        I always eat. We stick around for the wedding buffet leftovers and rehash the show. I used to try to go out drinking with friends, but after a show, it just doesn't work out.

        If Joey and Maria really married, their life would be . . .

        Volatile. Maria doesn't really understand that Joey has a wandering eye. Not that he doesn't love her, he just never considered being faithful. Fidelity is something he doesn't understand.

        Joey's most endearing trait . . .

        He doesn't have many. I would say it's how hard he tries to impress girls in general and Maria specifically. He just tries his butt off. Of course, he's not especially smart either.

        Maria's most endearing trait . . .

        She has a lot, but the one I like best is the way she's always watching my mom — to see what foods I like, how I like my clothes folded. She's into me for life.

        One thing Joey would like Maria to know . . .

        There's more he doesn't want her to know. I guess no matter what, no matter how bad he seems, he really loves her.
       

She said:

        My advice to anyone planning a wedding . . .

        Oh boy. Get the church and get it early. Then make sure it's ready and looks good. You don't want a wedding disaster.

        For me, the high point of the show . . .

        Is interacting with the audience, talking to people, making sure they're having a good time. It's especially fun when they play along and say something like, “I'm your cousin from New Jersey and I brought you this toaster.” People really do brings gifts.

               The best audiences are . . .

The ones that have the most fun. Play along, get up and dance, get loud and obnoxious.

        One thing I could do better . . .

        Make more money for one thing. But in the show, I guess it would be to get more ideas about the characters' histories so we have more stories to tell.

        After Joey and Maria, my next goal . . .

        I want to take acting classes and then do more shows.

        I'm constantly amazed at . . .

        Probably my son (4-year-old, Alex). It's so amazing how much he learns and what a good child he is. And happy.

        After shows, I unwind by . . .

        Sitting on a couch with a cup of tea and my feet up. I do it for an hour, then go to bed and sleep hard.

        If Joey and Maria really married, their life would be . . .

        A little crazy. Maria would be a little jealous, all the time asking “Where have you been?” But it would be a happy life because Maria is blindly in love.

        Joey's most endearing trait . . .

        Probably his sweet words. Very sweet. He whispers them to me.

        Maria's most endearing trait . . .

        Loyalty. All the way. She's been in love with Joey so long, waited for him to dump Viola, and now she has him. Blindly in love.

        One thing Maria would like Joey to know . . .

        Oh, should I say it? I guess. That I'm not as innocent as I look but letting him find out would change the show too much.
       

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