Sunday, March 10, 2002
Will chocolate-cinnamon flavored tuna be next?
My hand quivers with anticipation as I squeeze the plastic bottle.
Will my ketchup be colored Passion Pink, Awesome Orange or Totally Teal?
It is . . . Awesome Orange. I think. Actually, the rusty hue might be closer to Surprisingly Sienna. But hey, who's going to quibble about the shade of your ketchup when it's no longer Realistic Red?
The EZ Squirt Mystery Color is the latest gimmick from Heinz. By the end of April, it'll roll out a million bottles of Mystery Color ketchup. The deal is, consumers won't know which of the three wild colors they've bought until they squirt the ketchup on a plate. Brilliant.
Heinz hopes young folks will sign on to www.ezsquirt.com and vote for their favorite new color. The Pittsburgh-based company then will oblige by producing the winning ketchup shade in late summer.
Ancient Romans may have been the first to change the look of their food by throwing a pinch of red saffron into the pot, but Heinz has taken color enhancement to a startling new level.
Parkay joins the fray
Ketchup as we know it began to change in August 2000, when Heinz boldly introduced its Blastin' Green ketchup.
When you talk about changing the color of ketchup, people do raise an eyebrow, says Heinz spokesman Michael Mullin. But we were willing to take the risk.
The green ketchup . . . . Let's say that again . . . The green ketchup performed so well Heinz began selling Funky Purple ketchup last summer.
Later, Parkay spun the color wheel by introducing Electric Blue and Shockingly Pink Fun Squeeze margarine.
If anything is more bizarre than purple ketchup, it has to be blue margarine: phony butter that doesn't even try to look like butter.
Not to be outdone, Heinz will flood the freezer case with its new Ore-Ida brand Funky Fries in May. Funky Fries are flavored frozen potatoes ready to be fried or oven-baked spicy Cinn-Stiks, Sour Cream & Jive, Kool Blue, Crunchy Rings, and Cocoa Crispers. Only two of the new products Kool Blue and Cocoa Crispers come in unusual colors (bright blue and chocolate brown).
And that's plenty, thank you.
Funky Fries were developed concurrently with the palette of colored ketchups, says Heinz spokesman (for fries) Michael Doherty.
The blue fries look pretty cool with the purple ketchup, he brags, and the Cocoa Crispers smell like brownies baking in the oven.
Ore-Ida researchers tried 50 potato variations on focus groups before settling on these five. One daring French fry Frankenstein that didn't survive the research: fruit-flavored fried potatoes.
The kids (in the focus groups) were actually OK with those, Mr. Doherty says. But their moms were appalled.
So the moms were wildly enthusiastic about blinding blue fries?
Hidden help for parents
The new Heinz products were developed to please kids, of course not moms and dads. This is all about putting the fun back into eating for children, Heinz honchos say.
Excuse me. Who took the fun out of eating hamburgers, hot dogs and french fries? Further, considering the burgeoning obesity rate for children, do we really need to make eating junk food more enjoyable?
A young mother smacked my hand when she heard this argument, pointing out children squirt the sweet condiment on everything edible. Garish ketchup might help parents cajole their kids into eating broccoli, broiled chicken and other healthy, icky foods.
So maybe these freakish food innovations are aimed at parents after all.
But what are the ramifications down the road? In 10 years, will the coddled youngsters demand chartreuse pepperoni on their pizza? Or chocolate-cinnamon flavored tuna salad? As young adults, will they insist on burnt orange sea bass and azure potatoes Anna?
If so, you can bet Heinz will assemble a focus group faster than you can squeeze a bottle of EZ Squirt.
Contact Chuck Martin by phone: 768-8507; fax: 768-8330; e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org.
The Menus, a little weird a little wacky
Three Mo' Tenors will sing with Pops
Summerfair poster 'blessing' for event
Down the road, a toad or two snuck in
Educator still there for at-risk students
CCO works to enrich musical repertoire
DEMALINE: The arts
'Indians' talks audience to death
Locals join Brothers Johnson for funk reunion
Next Generation lets young dancers step up
Pops season a boon to baby boomers
Symposium a time machine back to 1800s Cincinnati
A new pub joins St. Patrick's Day party
MARTIN: Food stuff
Serve it this week: Fennel
Get to it