That's the big news out of Frankfort this session. But every year, hundreds of lesser-known proposals promise to change the commonwealth in other ways. Some are important. Others make us look sillier than that guy in Carter County who shot himself last year while practicing his quick-draw on a snowman.

        I skimmed the legislative record for my favorite obscurities. Here they are, each earning honors as the Bill Most Likely to ...

        • Horrify John Ashcroft

Mothers would be permitted to breast-feed in public under House Bill 351. Businesses and agencies that support breast-feeding — mainly by allowing women to express milk on the job — would be eligible to promote themselves as “mother-friendly.”

        What would Mr. Ashcroft think? The U.S. attorney general doesn't even want to be seen near artsy, metal breasts, much less real ones. At Justice headquarters in Washington, the half-clothed Spirit of Justice statue is now hidden behind a blue curtain. I suspect potential mother-unfriendliness.

        • Make Bowling Cool

        House Resolution 238 urges the Kentucky High School Athletic Association to recognize bowling as a letter sport.

        Coincidentally, professional bowlers are now choosing rock songs to be played as their personal anthems during competition. If varsity letters don't attract young people to bowling, maybe songs by Shakira will.

        • Honor Veterans

        Those who went to World War II, Vietnam or Korea before they could graduate from high school would be awarded diplomas under Senate Bill 188.

        • Terrorize Beavers

        Wanted, dead or alive: Fur balls with criminally large teeth. Under House Bill 441, the state would pay a $35 bounty for each beaver removed from an area that has declared a beaver crisis.

        • Sentence Prisoners to Bad Hair Days

        Normally, barbers and beauticians must be licensed by the state, but prison haircutters will escape this requirement under House Bill 86, which has been signed into law.

        Fortunately, the bill also cracks down on frivolous lawsuits by prisoners. Those who file more than three in five years will have to pay filing fees even if they qualify as indigent.

        So, guys, no suing the state if your mullet looks like a dead raccoon.

        • Save Teen-agers From Themselves

        Minors would need parental permission to get tattoos or body piercings under House Bill 29.

        Or, if they get nowhere with the “everybody's doing it” argument, teens could petition circuit judges for permission to be foolish.

        • Punish Insensitive Thieves

        Anyone who steals anything from a grave, including flowers, would be guilty of a felony under Senate Bill 88.

        • And finally, in the category of Most Likely to Bring a Smile: The Senate has passed Resolution 75, honoring the recently born grandchildren of senators.

       Karen Samples can be reached at (859) 578-5584 or at ksamples@enquirer.com.
       

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