Sunday, March 24, 2002
Heloise still has the answers
By Chuck Martin cmartin@enquirer.com
The Cincinnati Enquirer
She was named Ponce Kiah Marchelle, but her mother was savvy enough to throw in “Heloise” when she turned 18. Now, she prefers just Heloise, please. Heloise Evans has a hint for just about everything. It's her job. She writes Hints from Heloise, syndicated to newspapers worldwide, and a monthly column for Good Housekeeping.
Ms. Evans inherited this legacy from her mother, the original Heloise (who was actually named Eloise), along with a head of Texas-size chrome hair and striking Joan Crawford eyebrows.
Her mother, whom she describes as “brilliant, but a bit of a nut,” began writing the hints column in 1959. As a little girl, Ms. Evans came home from school to help her mother test recipes and stain removal formulae. She didn't realize it then, but those after-school experiments would help prepare her for a career as the Dear Abby of the kitchen and laundry room.
Ms. Evans, who lives in San Antonio, took over the Heloise franchise in 1977, after her mother died from a heart attack while working on her next Hints column.
While jetting around the country (another Hint from Heloise: When airport security randomly selects you for one of those extra-special searches, don't joke around) promoting her latest book, In the Kitchen with Heloise (Perigee; $14.95), Ms. Evans took time to answer a few pressing domestic questions.
Question: See my desk. Any hints?
Answer: (Laughs.) Well, yes. I have a Five-Point Plan. Every day, spend five minutes organizing things or put away five things. You'll be amazed. It's not as gut-wrenching as, “You must clean up your desk!”
Q: Have you always been well-organized?
A: Yes. Part of it was my dad was in the military. When you're in the military, you're always moving. And when you move, you're always cleaning up.
Q: What is the most stubborn stain? One that we can print?
A: The obvious one is quick-drying glue. Or anything red on clothes, which you can usually get out with hydrogen peroxide.
Q: What's the most stupid question you've ever gotten from a reader?
A: There was this e-mail from a woman who said her family always baked sheet cakes. But she wanted to bake a round two-layer cake. She didn't have a round cake pan and didn't know what to do. Now, I've learned not to make fun of people, but when I told my assistants, one said: “Excuse me. Buy a round pan.”
Q: Have the questions become more stupid over the years?
A: I don't think so. Sometimes I go back and look at the columns Mom wrote. The questions were about cleaning the sink, cleaning the oven and the refrigerator. I get the same kind of questions.
Q: Any basic cooking hints?
A: Read the recipe twice. Don't cook new recipes for company unless you've tried them first. And if whatever you cook doesn't turn out quite right, don't say anything. No big deal. Is someone going to arrest you or put it in your permanent record? No.
Q: Does Heloise have major hints for life?
A: You need the basics: a gallon of cheap vinegar, baking soda, rubbing alcohol and hydrogen peroxide. And remember, peroxide has an expiration date.
Q: Do you have any stains at home, stains that really bug you?
A: I've got this burn on my center island in the kitchen from where someone set down a hot pan. And I've got this stain in my carpet. I've done everything to that except cut out the actual stain. It did bother me for a while. But finally, I just went, you know, life is too short. . . . I'm Heloise, and people expect my house to be perfect and my kitchen to be perfect, and it's not.
Barbecued Apricot-Glazed Ham
Preheat grill. Drain apricots, saving 1/4 cup syrup. Set 6 apricot halves aside for garnish. In a blender, blend remaining apricot halves, reserved syrup, brown sugar, vinegar, mustard and cinnamon. Score ham with shallow cuts in diamond pattern and stud with cloves. Insert meat thermometer near center of ham.
Arrange coals around drip pan and test for medium heat. Place ham on rack above pan. Cover and grill 1 1/4 hours. Brush ham with glaze and grill about 15 minutes more or until internal temperature registers 140 degrees.
Before serving, brush ham with glaze again. Garnish with apricot halves and watercress.
Heloise still has the answers