Who is the man who won't risk his neck for Republicans?
        Taft!
        Who's the cat who won't speak out, when there's problems all about?
        Taft! Can ya dig it?
        He's a complicated man, no one understands him but his woman.
        Hope Taft!
        This cat Taft is a bad mutha —
        Shut yer mouth!
        I'm just talkin' 'bout Taft...
        They're talkin' 'bout Taft in Columbus. And they don't make him sound like the cool hero of Shaft. More like Caine Mutiny.

Left turn

        Republicans say they're being held hostage to Gov. Taft's re-election campaign — trapped in the backseat while Uncle Bob drives down I-75 at 35 miles per hour, with the turn signal on.

        Republicans in the House are itching to run on a new concealed carry law. Instead, they're not allowed to pull the trigger on their bill, even though the current law has been ruled unconstitutional. The official reason is to let the courts settle the issue.

        Bushwa and folderol. The real reason is that Gov. Taft doesn't want to sign a concealed carry bill until after he is re-elected, and party leaders don't want to put him on the spot.

        It's the same with Ohio's black hole in the budget, which is growing like the Blob. If they don't pull the plug on spending soon, it will hit $1.75 billion next year.

        But the governor doesn't want to be criticized for tough spending cuts or tax hikes in an election year — even though he is virtually unopposed.

Burn the smokers

        Gov. Taft has also painted himself into a corner of red-ink by promising to veto the jackpot favored by most lawmakers: legalized gambling on video lottery terminals.

        The Taft answer is to triple the cigarette tax to 74 cents. That only targets pariah smokers, and some weirdos enjoy the idea of spanking naughty smokers with a tax paddle. But it's only a $200 million Band-Aid on a budget that's bleeding to death.

        And then there's the running mate. Faithful Republicans have turned their backs on Gov. Taft and walked out on him at party events to protest his bizarre choice of a pro-abortion, gay-rights councilwoman from Columbus as lieutenant governor.

        Local Republicans worry that conservatives will stay home on election day. If that happens, the Republican Party will lose its chance to put a leash on the car-chasing Ohio Supreme Court.

        Former Gov. George Voinovich says it's time to tell the court to back off on unconstitutional demands for excessive education spending. But Gov. Taft just offers more of our lunch money.

        To add to the hair-pulling frustration, Gov. Taft is riding the brakes at a time when his party has eager new talent waiting for a chance to put a foot in the carburetor: Auditor Jim Petro, Attorney General Betty Montgomery, Secretary of State Ken Blackwell, Treasurer Joe Deters and U.S. Sen. Mike DeWine.

        This election year is a chance for Gov. Taft to show real leadership. But that's like casting Forrest Gump as the Godfather. Instead, he's running out the clock until the games's over, then he will show us the tax-hike shaft — and it's not a movie.

       E-mail pbronson@enquirer.com or call 768-8301.

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