I know because I used to be one.

        A million years ago, when I was a delinquent hippie, I was part of the alienated nation. We distrusted our government so much, we would gladly believe the most extravagant conspiracies.

        We believed LBJ and the CIA killed JFK. We believed the war in Vietnam was run by General Motors and General Electric. We believed Richard Nixon was a crook — oh, wait, we were accidentally right about that one.
       

Oliver Stoned

        There are still a few relics besides Oliver Stone who actually believe such idiocy. They don't even have the excuse of youthful stupidity and “recreational” drugs.

        But most of us grew up and quit smoking bananas.

        Most of us figured out that such vast conspiracies are preposterous in a world where our most powerful leaders cannot even organize a second-rate hotel burglary without having every humiliating fingerprint and reckless remark published in the Washington Post.

        Do powerful people do stupid things? Almost always. Do they keep them secret? Almost never.

        Today, the drapes at the White House have been yanked wide open. We have more information than we need, faster than we need it. When the stuff hits the fan, a swarm of lawyers and reporters immediately magnifies every stray particle to 100 times life-size, to make sure no molecule of scandal is left unexploited. (See Iran-Contra and the Starr Report.)

        But in the middle of this historic media glut, some poor slobs are still starving for a crumb of reality. They are the alienated nation — people who feel so powerless and cut off from their own leaders, they are trapped in a state of chronic paranoia.
       

Col. Sanders, CIA

        In the black community, the alien nation believes the CIA imports crack to the ghettos, and Big Macs are laced with chemicals to sterilize minorities (which explains the epidemic of teen pregnancy).

        At the flaky outskirts of Conservative Town, there are black helicopters and a massive liberal conspiracy to infiltrate the media.

        Absurd. Everyone knows liberals took over the media years ago.

        Such nutty theories get no credibility — unless they come from the lunatic left.

        Like the delusional “plot” being promoted by the New York Times, TV networks and Democrats, that President Bush knew about the attacks on 9-11 and did not warn us.

        The idea that the president could have pulled just the right thread among millions of crank calls, but decided to let terrorists kill thousands of Americans is as crazy as blaming Col. Sanders for AIDS.

        But this glue-sniffing fantasy is peddled by people who know better — like this sly insinuation by the Times: “We do not preclude the possibility that the trail of misjudgment will eventually lead to the White House.”

        Here's my theory: The Democrats and Times editorial writers are secretly working for Osama bin Laden. Think about it: His top terrorists could not do more to divide and demoralize our country.

        E-mail pbronson@enquirer.com or call 768-8301.
       

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