Question: I'm a small diamond retailer for 30 years. I've been dealing exclusively with vendors that are family businesses, instead of corporations. Not only do these vendors offer better service by being more attentive to my requests, but I can also gain more discounts and higher-quality diamonds. As a result, I've learned to cultivate close relationships with my vendors. In fact, I consider most of them close friends. Throughout the years, some of these vendors have retired or passed away, leaving their children to manage the business. I'm having some difficulties communicating my requests and feel that I'm not receiving the type of service their parents have given me. Several of my orders have arrived late and in poor condition. It's going to cost me time and money if I switch vendors. Can you advise me on how I can salvage these relationships?

        Answer: Every relationship is different but the same basic human relations principles apply to all of your rela tionships. When you have a close relationship with somebody, you typically have to spend a lot of time together. And it's easy to lose track of the need to protect the relationship and to keep working on improving it. When you aren't careful about the people you're closest to, you can start taking the relationships for granted.

        A relationship begins heading toward trouble when finding fault and complaining about the other person is getting easier than seeing his or her strengths. When this happens, you need to discuss the situation openly — together. Remember that it takes two parties to repair a relationship. Also, don't ever presume that the other person needs to make all the changes. You both have to accept responsibility for improving the relationship.

        Try these simple tips to help improve your relationships with your vendors:

        • Look at each person as an individual. Your new vendor may be your friend's son or daughter but that does not mean that he or she will behave or run the business similarly. Take the time and effort to know them well and discover their uniquex traits. Get to know what makes them tick.

        • Be genuine when you are building relation ships. Don't forget to communicate your sincerity. The people you are developing relationships with will sense your motivations right away.

        • Accept other people as they are. Don't try to change them. Instead, just work on yourself. Learn to accept that your new vendors are not the parents whom you have grown accustomed to dealing with. Recognize and respect your new vendors. Once your attitudes and actions start changing toward people, they will in turn respond differently to you.

        • Communicate openly and honestly. A relationship is an investment. You must take the time to negotiate when there's a misunderstanding. Try inviting your vendors to lunch and discuss your concerns. Don't play the blame game and begin criticizing. Instead, remain calm and relate to them your need for prompt and quality shipments. Your vendors may still be trying to understand the processes of the diamond business and are having difficulties meeting the deadlines. Try offering your assistance and advice. By talking openly about the issues, both parties can listen to each other and resolve any problems.

        Michael Crom is executive vice president, Dale Carnegie Training. For advice on work issues, visit www.dalecarnegie.com or e-mail carnegiecoach@dalecarnegie.com.

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