Bonfire of the Vanities tells the fictional story of a white guy who finds himself in the “war zone” of New York City and accidentally runs over a young black man — a rookie thug portrayed by the media as an “A” student.

        Cynical politicians and white liberals pander to black protesters. A dysfunctional justice system drags the case out like water torture. The media sensationalizes the story. And protests, demands and threats of violence are orchestrated by “the Rev. Bacon,” who shakes down scared white liberals with phony “programs for the people.”

        He calls it “an investment in steam control.”

        Familiar?

        Change the names, make the white guy a cop, and it fits us like a straitjacket.

        In Cincinnati, fact is crazier than fiction.

        A few months ago, our local Rev. Bacons didn't wait for proof to demand the scalp of a white cop who was suspected of lying about his accidental shooting of a young black man. The reverends demanded a zero-tolerance policy on dishonest cops — and got it.

        But now that a black assistant police chief has been accused of lying about damage to his city car, our Rev. Bacons say hold on — the suspension of Assistant Chief Ron Twitty (with pay) is unfair and racist.

No exceptions

        Police Chief Tom Streicher is only enforcing the law he laid down months ago: “Dishonesty cannot and will not be tolerated in our organization,” he said March 19. There was no exception for affirmative action.

        And here's a plot twist Mr. Wolfe would enjoy: In response to rising demand to exterminate the drug plague that has infested poor neighborhoods since riots turned parts of Cincinnati into a “war zone,” an undercover cop chased an ex-con who was buying drugs in Over-the-Rhine July 25.

        The suspect ran into the parking lot of the New Prospect Baptist Church, which is led by the man most likely to be cast as the Rev. Bacon, the Rev. Damon Lynch III.

        An angry crowd gathered and was getting out of control. More cops arrived and later told Enquirer reporter Jane Prendergast that people in the crowd tried to punch and kick them.

        The cops said they asked Pastor Lynch, who was standing nearby, to help disperse the crowd. Pastor Lynch did not return my call, but two of the cops who were there said he replied:

        “That's not my job.”

        How's that for satire?

No help

        The funny part is that, thanks to the lawsuit filed by Pastor Lynch and others, that actually is his job. In the “historic” collaborative agreement, Pastor Lynch promised to work to improve police-community relations.

        Instead, Pastor Lynch and his lawyer, Ken Lawson, are demanding that the undercover cop be suspended just like Assistant Chief Twitty. They claim the cops cursed and pushed an elderly black woman.

        There ought to be a medical term for the mental illness that is making Cincinnati so irrational and delusional. “Bigot phobia,” maybe, or “racial paranoia” — a condition that causes people to see everything through the distorted carnival mirror of race.

        At the end of the movie version of Bonfire of the Vanities, an angry judge tells the mob in his courtroom that the law is not something you can twist to fit your own warped opinions. “Justice is not a hustle,” he says.

        I think he's talking to Cincinnati.

        E-mail pbronson@enquirer.com or call 768-8301.

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